God can Heal a Broken Heart but He has to have all the Pieces.

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

October 2, 2010

In Pieces

We all are made up differently by God's design, we all have our own uniqueness that makes us unlike anyone else. I am slowly coming to terms with my own design and the plans God has for me.
I am opinionated, stubborn, and like things my way
There is the piece that is the sister of a murder victim
The piece that hurts and grieves to see her brother
The piece that knows the only way I will see him again is through Jesus Christ (just wishes it was sooner)
The piece that has suffered from anxiety and depression for 12 years, probably even before that
The piece that is a daughter, sister, mother, wife, and co-worker

The piece that has always wanted to volunteer and join a cause but didn't know where

The piece that wants to write a book
The piece that wants to learn to sew, ride horses again, go on a hot air balloon ride (even thought I'm afraid of heights), take my kids to awesome places I have never even been(like Disney or the Grand Canyon), and who likes to give advice (maybe too much advice)!
The piece that has battled liver problems for 5 years
The piece that has had financial difficulties for the entire 6 yrs of my marriage
The piece that doesn't like the bugs that come out and attack you at night, camping, hiking, sweating, sushi, is claustrophobic and would never bungee jump, skydive, is not spontaneous and always has to have things planned and organized
The piece that needs to learn patience, self control, and anger management!
The piece that really doesn't have the time to blog but would love to give it a try because I think it may help me, because it is more for me than anyone else
The piece that has slowly watched God use all of these and more to shape me into who he plans for me. I have slowly watched my life unfold into knowing why I need him so much and how he used different trials to grow closer to him and to know him better. I have seen him use these trials to prepare me for what I did not know lyed ahead for my life. I know there is much more to come but for right now this is some of what he has used to make me who I am now.
I now know I want to open a victims of violent crimes non profit organization
My husband asked me two weeks before my brother's death when I was going to write my book~my response, "I don't feel that God is quite finished with me yet" and he gave me a second life changing event two weeks later
On my brother's birthday 4/14/2010 my husband lost his job (go figure), another life changing even to add to 2010
In a way my husband's job loss was a blessing because I did not know how I was going to handle getting out of bed everyday, or taking my daughter to school on time, and  having to sit alone in my house crying all day
I find all of these things very ironic as I said thousand of times that 2010 would be the best year of my life; I had gotten a part time job to help out with finances, my husband had his job of 6 years, and I had not been sick for 6 months
Little did I know God's plan isn't always mine, (very frustrating at times)
I have seen through many things that affirm the fact that heaven is real and I know my brother is waiting there for us. He is most likely checking it all out for us so when we get there so he can tell us all what to do, exactly like him!

This is why I have changed my blog title to Piece of Me because little by little I have watched how the pieces will fit together and I know with Jesus Christ that it will be good! Hence the blog header Jeremiah 29:11-12 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
What an amazing comfort that is!

1 comment:

  1. I cried when I read your blog. In so many ways I could relate to your emotions of loss and the sadness you are feeling. I admire you for putting your emotions out there to possibly help others who are going through a similar situation. Your courage to actively do something to help has truly inspired me. I love you and wish you the best of luck in this journey.


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