God can Heal a Broken Heart but He has to have all the Pieces.

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

December 14, 2010

Call your sibling today...Sibling grief

Siblings Walking Together
(Formerly The Sibling Credo)
We are the surviving siblings of The Compassionate Friends.
We are brought together by the deaths of our brothers and sisters.
Open your hearts to us, but have patience with us.
Sometimes we will need the support of our friends.
At other times we need our families to be there.
Sometimes we must walk alone, taking our memories with us,
continuing to become the individuals we want to be.
We cannot be our dead brother or sister;
however, a special part of them lives on with us.
When our brothers and sisters died, our lives changed.
We are living a life very different from what we envisioned,
and we feel the responsibility to be strong even when we feel weak.
Yet we can go on because we understand better than many others
the value of family and the precious gift of life.
Our goal is not to be the forgotten mourners that we sometimes are,
but to walk together to face our tomorrows as surviving siblings of The Compassionate Friends.

Written on the Compassionate Friends website
I have posted below some information from Compassionate Friends about adult grief when a sibling dies.I have highlighted the one's that have affected me the most. As the holidays approach the days get harder and harder. I have to continue on my walk with Christ, focusing each day on him and the strength he gives me. In talking or reading about others who have had the same loss I know there will not be a day that I won't think of him. But God will heal the wound slowly and lessen the pain. Psalms 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.

I want to remember him, I want to help out others who endure the same loss, I want everyone to know that without Christ you will never survive it. You will crumble and fall into a trapped closet with a locked door and the keys thrown away. You won't escape. Until you accept God's hands reaching out for you, accepting Him into your life, knowing that he is our Savior, he is the source for our daily lives, and surrendering it all to Him. Only then will the darkness fade away as you start to see the light shine through a little bit at a time. Psalm 18:28 For thou wilt light my candle; the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness.

When a sibling dies, the world changes in a heartbeat.
Each family has its own special history and the shared bonds that are a part of that history. When a sibling dies, the bonds are shattered, and the history forever has a void that cannot be filled.

As they grow, children develop certain characteristics and talents. Brothers and sisters tend to complement each other by developing a balance of interests in different areas. However, surviving siblings will need to redefine their roles in the absence of this relationship.
When your parents die, it is said you lose your past; when your spouse dies, you lose your present; and when your child dies, you lose your future. However, when your sibling dies, you lose a part of your past, your present, and your future.

•Survivor guilt is normal. Siblings usually have a relationship where they seek to protect each other. Despite the physical distance that may separate them as adults, this need to have provided protection weighs heavily in the aftermath of the loss.

•Guilt about how the relationship was maintained is common. So often as adults, the sibling relationship has changed from younger years.. Each travels a separate path, and sometimes communication is lacking and ambivalent feelings about maintaining the relationship surface. No matter how good a relationship may have been, the survivor often believes it should have been better, causing guilt.
•Surviving siblings may find positive changes within their lives. These may include greater emotional strength, increased independence, and a soul-searching reexamination of religious beliefs. Some survivors feel the need to make a change in their life’s work, such as becoming a therapist, or working to effect a change in the area that took the life of the sibling.
Even when a sibling has died, a connection still remains. Surviving brothers and sisters think about them; talk about them; remember them at special times such as birthdays, holidays, and death dates; and may create a memorial of some type. This connection with the sibling who died does not have to be given up to move forward in life.
Siblings may be ambivalent about their relationships in life, but in death the power of their bond strangles the surviving heart. Death reminds us that we are part of the same river, the same flow from the same source, rushing towards the same destiny. Were you close? Yes, but we didn’t know it then.
Barbara Ascher
Landscape Without Gravity
With Love,

1 comment:

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