God can Heal a Broken Heart but He has to have all the Pieces.

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

September 29, 2012

Lovely Blog Award

It's been a minute, 3 months to be exact, since I have had a yearning to write. Ironically I had been getting the itch again when I received this lovely blog award from http://forthosewhoweep.com/. It is amazing how one act of generosity has a way of transforming things. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for re-inspiring me and for making me smile:) Thank you For Those Who Weep for your beautiful blog and beautiful heart.

7 Things About Me
  1. I have a "Type A" personality which can sometimes work for or against me!
  2. I have a passion for writing and my BIGGEST dream is to one day write a book!!
  3. I think about my brother every single day and when I need help with something that I know he could do I often catch myself thinking of calling him.
  4. My brother's death has changed my life in more ways than I ever imagined.
  5. My daughter's are my world and I pray daily that God will always protect them. 
  6. I love reading quotes and scripture. Anything that can teach us or remind us about life. 
  7. I am not defined by my past mistakes.
I will humbly pass this award along. 

May 29, 2012

Time Crunch

I looked at my blog tonight and was shocked that I hadn't posted since December!! Time goes so fast and you often forget to savor moments that really matter. In the midst of our hectic lives we forget how fragile it really is. Right after you lose someone that is very close and dear to you it always seems to be a wake up call to life, it's meaning, and how we plan on changing for the better. Yet, I know for myself, that some of those things really do matter. You still have to work so you can pay bills, you still have to clean house, do laundry, take kids to sports (because you want them to be involved in something good), you push ahead in your career so you can make even more money, etc., etc. What a liar I was. I changed for a little while but life took over once again and I found myself drowning in daily routines. I like to have time for myself to just think and reflect on things, life, my relationship with Christ, my tasks and deadlines that are due. It is a rare occasion that I actually have the time to do it. That saddens me. I want that time but just don't seem to fit it into my schedule. I feel convicted because of it since I know I could get up earlier in the mornings and hopefully get that time but I LOVE to sleep and the AM is not my favorite time of the day. So the question is how to balance it all?

If you have any suggestions please send them my way. I could use all the advice I need before I get another "wake up" call.
Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 


December 19, 2011


immersed in something;
if you are immersed in something, you spend most of your time doing it or thinking about it

At the end of October the motion hearing for my brother’s trial took place. Ever since my days have been filled with the forethought of what I knew was to come. I was ready this time; it has been almost 2 years. I was growing weary, restless, and anxious. With the daily busyness of working, being a mom, and the holidays I have had no desire to update my blog. Most days I felt like I really didn’t have anything to say. Most things annoyed me and life in general was unstable. We’re going to court next week, no we’re going the next week, we’re going to court tomorrow, no we’re going to court…..awaiting what I didn’t want to face yet wanted so bad seemed like pouring salt on a wound. The wound continued to spread as I yearned for closure.
So I sit here tonight typing and thinking about closure, truth, and consequence. All I wanted was for this to end and for 2012 to begin with a clean slate, without the worry of court dates and an “estimated” trial date. Finally, Friday, December 16th my family received the closure yearned for since that dreadful January night. Just as the wound yearns to close, it can only do so layer by layer. As the truth comes out little by little it is just like the pain of the healing wound. For the hardest thing about searching for the truth…Is that sometimes we find it. And when we do it doesn’t always paint a pretty picture. But truth is about freedom. It brings with it joy and peace, though at first it may hurt for a little while.
The man who murdered my brother was sentenced Friday to mandatory life in prison for Felony Murder, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony. He will not be eligible for parole for 30 years. The consequence of one man’s actions resulted in immense pain. Not only for my family but for what he has caused for his. He is married and has 2 daughters. My brother will never have the chance for a family. And a man who was given one gave it all away.
Every lie holds consequence. In truth we can find closure.
The closure to this part of my family’s story is one of hope, peace, justice, and the significance of knowing that “God is good, all the time, He is good.” Two years I have prayed, my family has prayed, friends prayed and this past week prayers were lifted to our Father from so many. The support that was given to my family, the prayers spoken by each person will touch my heart forever. Because no matter what, God is BIGGER!
Repeatedly this week I sought the words, “The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God will not protect you.” 2 Thessalonians 3:3 But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.
I came across this poem and find great comfort in its words.
Will of God
The will of God will never take you,
Where the grace of God cannot keep you,
Where the arms of God cannot support you,
Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,
Where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you,
Where the Spirit of God cannot work through you,
Where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,
Where the army of God cannot protect you,
Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

The will of God will never take you,
Where the love of God cannot enfold you,
Where the mercies of God cannot sustain you,
Where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,
Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you,
Where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,
Where the Word of God cannot feed you,
Where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,
Where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.

"Everything happens for a purpose.
We may not see the wisdom of it all now
but trust and believe in the Lord
that everything is for the best."

October 19, 2011

Humanity or Habit

Are we as a society or a follower of Christ too self-indulged with our own daily agenda and to do's that we are blind to those around us? We find it polite to pass a co-worker in the hall, a cashier, a stranger in passing, or a courteous door holder to briefly say "hey, how are you?" But do we ever really mean it when we say it, do you ever hear the answer, or put a face to them? Has this type of "politeness" become merely habit and not a sincere gesture. Do you notice the expression on their face, can you tell if they look like they may be upset about something, extremelly excited about a recent event, or just told you they were on their way to hurt themselves or someone else? Are you too busy with the thoughts of all you have to get done, where you are going, or what has made you upset, sad, or angry?

Is a "hey, how are you?" a real act of humanity, a true sense of connection to another, the love for others as a child of God?
These type of "habits" can happen in your prayer life as well. We can find ourselves merely repeating the same words over and over each day, night. Although some repetitive prayer is positive. When they become words without meaning, desire, praise, surrender, faith, guidance seeking; the truth that lies deep within our heart, then we are treating God the same as a passing stranger. Does our relationship with God reflect every part of our lives?
Matthew 6:7-8 ESV    
“And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
For God did not send his Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross only for you. He took up the Cross for us all, all of humanity.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
He loves us all, each and every one. Shouldn't we treat others with the same love God pours out for us?
When you get to Heaven, will you recognize the faces of those you uttered a quick "hey, how are you?"
Are our worst habits really the temporary things of this world we put value on or are our worst habits against each other, even those we are being "polite" to?

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

September 14, 2011

Financial Peace

Prayer When in Financial Trouble
But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory.—Philippians 4:19
God, help me to straighten out my financial
problems. Release Your Godly wisdom so that
I may be a good steward over all that
You have given me. If my problems seem beyond repair,
help me find a way, Your way, to meet my obligations.
I place this need before You, knowing that You
will guide me to a good solution.
Please grant me the patience and tolerance
necessary to calm my spirit and help me to
remember that You have everything
under Your control and I have nothing to fear or worry.
I found this great prayer on Our Prayer. What a great one for the current financial state of most Americans. My husband and I have just started the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace Univ. that our church is offering. WOW, it certainly has been a wakeup call. But I have also found it overwhelming. I am a Type A personality and like for everything to be in order. Well I have found out our finances are NOT in order. Cuts in the budget need to be made, difficult choices, and a “new” perspective on what financial “peace” looks like.
My prayer is for encouragement and determination to get it done. I tend to give up when frustration sets in. We are already juggling horrible work hours, marriage mentoring, cheerleading, school, an almost 3 year old, and lack of sleep. These don’t exactly add up to a place where “peaceful serenity!” I hope to have that one day; I hate drama and just want to live a quiet, non busy or hectic life. I want to be able to focus on the non-profit and enjoy what I’m doing in life.  Right now I have to take it so slow doing anything with it because there is just not enough time. But I see such a need each and every day on the news, it really breaks my heart.
I’ve been pretty depressed the past couple of weeks which always makes my grief worse. It’s actually getting harder to bear the more time that passes. The “saying” is that with time it will get better. But the thought of more time passing seems unbearable to me. I will admit during these times I grow distant from God and have begun to keep everything in. Mainly because I don’t talk to anybody lately, there is just not enough time. I’ve lost connection with family and friends. Once you’ve gone so long without talking it feels like you need more time to catch up which doesn’t seem to be happening. I don’t even have time to talk one on one with my husband which is absolutely awful as we once talked about everything. I feel isolated from “my life” and trapped in one where all I hear is “complaining and negativity” at work. There are so many people who have SO many issues. It’s almost astonishing the way some people behave or talk to others. I guess it’s easier to be that way when you aren’t face to face. But I try to tell agents that it’s not personal. That personal has major problems we cannot solve. Just stick to the issue they have with us and then move on. Not to say that everyone is like that, there are many reasonable people. Those who are obnoxious just seem to out rule them and I often wonder how they make it through life.

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Our marriage mentoring lessons have been focused on communication and conflict resolution. Maybe I should email them a lesson or two with tools they can use to become a more effective person in society! LOL