Rob & I have been studying the Holy Spirit in our Marriage Mentoring book. I had been having a pretty bad couple of weeks. Zoe was taken out of daycare and I have been getting up with her at 7am when I only get about 4 hours of sleep a night, sometimes less. And some people may be able to run on 4 hours of sleep but NOT me, I require at least 9, seriously I could sleep for a full 24 hours. Even my child put on the Mother's Day card she made at school when asked to answers questions about me that "sleep" was my favorite thing to do. Oh an the best thing my mommy cooks for me, "Ramen Noodles." Mom of the Year award definetly not headed my direction! The point is that my lack of sleep has caused me to almost lose it. I forget stuff for my daughter's school, am always late for field trips, late for work, disorganized (which I absolutely HATE to be), feeling like I'm not pulling my weight with the household duties, stressed about finances (we had everything break at just about the same time i.e. we need a lawnmower (I live on 2 acres and have NO lawnmower,) our TV takes about 15 minutes to come on before you can see the picture or hear sound and when it does well let's just say Dora's water is green, our dryer stopped working, and we need new living room furniture pretty badly. I know these things are only monetary but it still gets overwhelming when you work all the time and don't have the extra money to do anything. I am an emotional wreck that I don't get to spend as much time as I want to with my girls (I try to catch up on some sleep on the weekends when my husband is home) which leads me to not seeing them in the small opportunity I can which is Saturday mornings. I work every weekend so family time just doesn't happen anymore :( I do spend most of the day with Zoe and she is the type of child you CANNOT leave unattended for more than a minute; it's hard to even go to the bathroom. I was putting my makeup on yesterday in my bathroom and Ava was in there with me when all of a sudden Ava came running in there screaming about a black sharpie. Oh yes, black sharpie everywhere (and this is the second occurrance). This morning she fed the dog a whole thing of the bakery cinnamon rolls. She is very destructive, much unlike Ava was.
Last Friday I was almost at a breaking point, I cried all day, missed my brother, and just had myself a little pity party. That's when I opened up the marriage book and came upon the verse from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. I had heard of verse 9 but never read verse 10. Verse 10 was exactly what I needed to hear right at that time.
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
For when I am weak, THEN I am strong. The THEN part really made me think. It was like an enlightenment on what we see as weaknesses, let downs, dissapointments, unworthyness, and bitterness; he finds as strength.
That day I was not feeling strong at all. I felt worthless and that made me angry. Not to say reading this verse miraculously cured my feelings but it has given me a lot to think about and has helped me going into this week as I am facing a difficult challenge at work. Actually dealing with a difficult person and the difficulties with my schedule. I have been doing a lot of soul searching trying to find out where God wants me to be. I trust that I am exactly where he wants me to be for now and trust that he will put me where I need to be when I need it. I just wish that time would come sooner than later. Someone said to me the other day, "be careful what you wish for." Funny how you could actually think your prayers were used by God for bad. God's will is what it is and we will never be able to change it.
I did get to go get my hair done which of course makes me feel better, it was long overdue. Here is a pic of the new style.