January 30, 2010 will be a day I will never forget. I am changed, my life has changed, my family has changed, and things will never be the same as they were before.
I originally started this blog for my girls and what they had been doing. I wanted to take some time though to write a little bit myself.
My brother was called by the Lord that cold, rainy Saturday morning. His life was taken away by murder. They say trauma can be defined in two ways 1. injury: any physical damage to the body caused by violence or accident or fracture etc. 2, an emotional wound or shock often having long-lasting effects.
#1 my brother had to endure. #2 is the one that now embodies my family and picking the pieces up and putting them back together is exhausting. There were approx. 15,241 people murdered nationwide in 2009, of that number almost 45% were in the south, and the violent crime rate is 429.4 per every 100,000 people in the U.S. This is actually a drop since 2008 but for every single one of these murders there is a family who is going through some kind of trauma related to it.
For me, my body went into overdrive, I didn't actually realize or couldn't even grasp the fact that my brother has just been killed. I helped with funeral arrangements and kept busy. My worst nightmare had occurred, many, many times I would think that I never wanted anyone close to me to have to die because I didn't know what I would do. Maybe God was preparing me with those thoughts by having to think about it and what I might do if it actually occurred. But as the days passed they got harder, the weeks got harder, the months, got harder, and the year got harder. It felt as if I was moving in slow motion but everyone around me was full speed ahead. I couldn't think for myself, I didn't want to. I wanted to escape reality, rewind the time clock, or freeze the moment because I knew what was lying ahead. It's September and some tough times are about to come. I wake up each and every day because of the one thing that gives me strength, my faith in Jesus Christ.
Marie T. Freeman wrote "On the darkest day of your life, God is still in charge. Take comfort in that."
I know my brother is waiting on me at heaven's gates. Pacing around anxiously like he always does, wanting us to hurry up so he can show us all the beauty that it holds and all the best places to go! I had no other place to go than to cast my eyes on Jesus and ask for his help. I needed him to carry me.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
A.W. Tozer ~ The man who has God for his treasure, has all things in one.
And that is what brings my brother and I together. God holds him in his kingdom and he holds me on Earth. How amazing that we can both be held together by one unchanging God. For Hebrews 13:8 says Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.