Immersed

Immersed...

immersed in something;

if you are immersed in something, you spend most of your time doing it or thinking about it

At the end of October the motion hearing for my brother’s trial took place. Ever since my days have been filled with the forethought of what I knew was to come. I was ready this time; it has been almost 2 years. I was growing weary, restless, and anxious. With the daily busyness of working, being a mom, and the holidays I have had no desire to update my blog. Most days I felt like I really didn’t have anything to say. Most things annoyed me and life in general was unstable. We’re going to court next week, no we’re going the next week, we’re going to court tomorrow, no we’re going to court…..awaiting what I didn’t want to face yet wanted so bad seemed like pouring salt on a wound. The wound continued to spread as I yearned for closure.

So I sit here tonight typing and thinking about closure, truth, and consequence. All I wanted was for this to end and for 2012 to begin with a clean slate, without the worry of court dates and an “estimated” trial date. Finally, Friday, December 16^th my family received the closure yearned for since that dreadful January night. Just as the wound yearns to close, it can only do so layer by layer. As the truth comes out little by little it is just like the pain of the healing wound. For the hardest thing about searching for the truth…Is that sometimes we find it. And when we do it doesn’t always paint a pretty picture. But truth is about freedom. It brings with it joy and peace, though at first it may hurt for a little while.

The man who murdered my brother was sentenced Friday to mandatory life in prison for Felony Murder, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony. He will not be eligible for parole for 30 years. The consequence of one man’s actions resulted in immense pain. Not only for my family but for what he has caused for his. He is married and has 2 daughters. My brother will never have the chance for a family. And a man who was given one gave it all away.

Every lie holds consequence. In truth we can find closure.

The closure to this part of my family’s story is one of hope, peace, justice, and the significance of knowing that “God is good, all the time, He is good.” Two years I have prayed, my family has prayed, friends prayed and this past week prayers were lifted to our Father from so many. The support that was given to my family, the prayers spoken by each person will touch my heart forever. Because no matter what, God is BIGGER!

Repeatedly this week I sought the words, “The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God will not protect you.” 2 Thessalonians 3:3 But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.

I came across this poem and find great comfort in its words.

Will of God

The will of God will never take you,

Where the grace of God cannot keep you,

Where the arms of God cannot support you,

Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,

Where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you,

Where the Spirit of God cannot work through you,

Where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,

Where the army of God cannot protect you,

Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

The will of God will never take you,

Where the love of God cannot enfold you,

Where the mercies of God cannot sustain you,

Where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,

Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you,

Where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,

Where the Word of God cannot feed you,

Where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,

Where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.

"Everything happens for a purpose.

We may not see the wisdom of it all now

but trust and believe in the Lord

that everything is for the best."