PIECES OF ME

Immersed

2011-12-19T00:44:00.001-05:00

Immersed...

immersed in something;

if you are immersed in something, you spend most of your time doing it or thinking about it

At the end of October the motion hearing for my brother’s trial took place. Ever since my days have been filled with the forethought of what I knew was to come. I was ready this time; it has been almost 2 years. I was growing weary, restless, and anxious. With the daily busyness of working, being a mom, and the holidays I have had no desire to update my blog. Most days I felt like I really didn’t have anything to say. Most things annoyed me and life in general was unstable. We’re going to court next week, no we’re going the next week, we’re going to court tomorrow, no we’re going to court…..awaiting what I didn’t want to face yet wanted so bad seemed like pouring salt on a wound. The wound continued to spread as I yearned for closure.

So I sit here tonight typing and thinking about closure, truth, and consequence. All I wanted was for this to end and for 2012 to begin with a clean slate, without the worry of court dates and an “estimated” trial date. Finally, Friday, December 16^th my family received the closure yearned for since that dreadful January night. Just as the wound yearns to close, it can only do so layer by layer. As the truth comes out little by little it is just like the pain of the healing wound. For the hardest thing about searching for the truth…Is that sometimes we find it. And when we do it doesn’t always paint a pretty picture. But truth is about freedom. It brings with it joy and peace, though at first it may hurt for a little while.

The man who murdered my brother was sentenced Friday to mandatory life in prison for Felony Murder, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony. He will not be eligible for parole for 30 years. The consequence of one man’s actions resulted in immense pain. Not only for my family but for what he has caused for his. He is married and has 2 daughters. My brother will never have the chance for a family. And a man who was given one gave it all away.

Every lie holds consequence. In truth we can find closure.

The closure to this part of my family’s story is one of hope, peace, justice, and the significance of knowing that “God is good, all the time, He is good.” Two years I have prayed, my family has prayed, friends prayed and this past week prayers were lifted to our Father from so many. The support that was given to my family, the prayers spoken by each person will touch my heart forever. Because no matter what, God is BIGGER!

Repeatedly this week I sought the words, “The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God will not protect you.” 2 Thessalonians 3:3 But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.

I came across this poem and find great comfort in its words.

Will of God

The will of God will never take you,

Where the grace of God cannot keep you,

Where the arms of God cannot support you,

Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,

Where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you,

Where the Spirit of God cannot work through you,

Where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,

Where the army of God cannot protect you,

Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

The will of God will never take you,

Where the love of God cannot enfold you,

Where the mercies of God cannot sustain you,

Where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,

Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you,

Where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,

Where the Word of God cannot feed you,

Where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,

Where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.

"Everything happens for a purpose.

We may not see the wisdom of it all now

but trust and believe in the Lord

that everything is for the best."

Humanity or Habit

2011-10-19T14:44:00.000-04:00

Are we as a society or a follower of Christ too self-indulged with our own daily agenda and to do's that we are blind to those around us? We find it polite to pass a co-worker in the hall, a cashier, a stranger in passing, or a courteous door holder to briefly say "hey, how are you?" But do we ever really mean it when we say it, do you ever hear the answer, or put a face to them? Has this type of "politeness" become merely habit and not a sincere gesture. Do you notice the expression on their face, can you tell if they look like they may be upset about something, extremelly excited about a recent event, or just told you they were on their way to hurt themselves or someone else? Are you too busy with the thoughts of all you have to get done, where you are going, or what has made you upset, sad, or angry?

Is a "hey, how are you?" a real act of humanity, a true sense of connection to another, the love for others as a child of God?
These type of "habits" can happen in your prayer life as well. We can find ourselves merely repeating the same words over and over each day, night. Although some repetitive prayer is positive. When they become words without meaning, desire, praise, surrender, faith, guidance seeking; the truth that lies deep within our heart, then we are treating God the same as a passing stranger. Does our relationship with God reflect every part of our lives?
Matthew 6:7-8 ESV
“And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
For God did not send his Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross only for you. He took up the Cross for us all, all of humanity.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
He loves us all, each and every one. Shouldn't we treat others with the same love God pours out for us?
When you get to Heaven, will you recognize the faces of those you uttered a quick "hey, how are you?"
Are our worst habits really the temporary things of this world we put value on or are our worst habits against each other, even those we are being "polite" to?

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Financial Peace

2011-09-14T11:53:00.000-04:00

PrayerWhen in Financial Trouble

But myGod shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory.—Philippians4:19
God, help me to straighten out my financial
problems. Release Your Godly wisdom so that
I may be a good steward over all that
You have given me. If my problems seem beyond repair,
help me find a way, Your way, to meet my obligations.
I place this need before You, knowing that You
will guide me to a good solution.
Please grant me the patience and tolerance
necessary to calm my spirit and help me to
remember that You have everything
under Your control and I have nothing to fear or worry.
Amen.

I found this great prayer on Our Prayer. What a great one for the current financial state of most Americans. My husband and I have juststarted the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace Univ. that our church is offering. WOW, it certainly has been a wakeupcall. But I have also found it overwhelming. I am a Type A personality and likefor everything to be in order. Well I have found out our finances are NOT inorder. Cuts in the budget need to be made, difficult choices, and a “new”perspective on what financial “peace” looks like.
My prayer is for encouragementand determination to get it done. I tend to give up when frustration sets in.We are already juggling horrible work hours, marriage mentoring, cheerleading,school, an almost 3 year old, and lack of sleep. These don’t exactly add up toa place where “peaceful serenity!” I hope to have that one day; I hate dramaand just want to live a quiet, non busy or hectic life. I want to be able tofocus on the non-profit and enjoy what I’m doing in life. Right now I have to take it so slow doinganything with it because there is just not enough time. But I see such a needeach and every day on the news, it really breaks my heart.
I’ve been pretty depressed thepast couple of weeks which always makes my grief worse. It’s actually gettingharder to bear the more time that passes. The “saying” is that with time itwill get better. But the thought of more time passing seems unbearable to me. Iwill admit during these times I grow distant from God and have begun to keepeverything in. Mainly because I don’t talk to anybody lately, there is just notenough time. I’ve lost connection with family and friends. Once you’ve gone solong without talking it feels like you need more time to catch up which doesn’tseem to be happening. I don’t even have time to talk one on one with my husbandwhich is absolutely awful as we once talked about everything. I feel isolatedfrom “my life” and trapped in one where all I hear is “complaining andnegativity” at work. There are so many people who have SO many issues. It’salmost astonishing the way some people behave or talk to others. I guess it’seasier to be that way when you aren’t face to face. But I try to tell agentsthat it’s not personal. That personal has major problems we cannot solve. Juststick to the issue they have with us and then move on. Not to say that everyoneis like that, there are many reasonable people. Those who are obnoxious justseem to out rule them and I often wonder how they make it through life.

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let unwholesome talk comeout of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up accordingto their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Our marriage mentoring lessonshave been focused on communication and conflict resolution. Maybe I shouldemail them a lesson or two with tools they can use to become a more effectiveperson in society! LOL

Beach...Summer Pics

2011-08-31T12:09:00.000-04:00

Not Looking Forward to...

2011-08-30T14:55:00.000-04:00

Going to work tonight. It's been pretty cruddy lately and I am praying for a new job to come soon. We have been very busy due to the storms. And right now I am lying on the couch so tired that I am trying to get up some motivation to get dressed. This scripture came to me yesterday and I wanted to share. It gives us such great promise! 2 Peter 3:8-13
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.
Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming. That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells.

Guess I should get moving and figure out what I will do with my day!!!

James and the Obstacle Course

2011-08-22T13:05:00.000-04:00

Anyone with kids, grandkids, or even if you just know a kid have all seen those wonderful blow up bounce obstacle courses. They make most kids scream with excitement and utter anticipation (which can make some kids actually shake waiting for their turn.) Other more "timid" or I should say "smart" kids turn from the mere sight of them and run away tucked in between their parents legs. I found this description of the "Mega Obstacle Course" at Inflatable 2000. We are proud to present the inflatable 58' Obstacle Course. . The race is on! This course includes items to jump through, a 6' wall to climb over and slide down, holes to jump though and barrels to climb through. Two participants head for the starting line. In front of them stands an inflatable barrier of vinyl. The race is around walls, ramps, through tubes, around inflated pillars and through giant rings. The two racers try desperately to maneuver their way through the course to see who can cross the finish line first. They include climb through wall, biff n bash poles, rope climb and slide. Two sides offer double the capacity, and large size will draw attention from every angle.
While this description may sound appealing to most adrenaline pumped kids, it far too much resembles the way I can feel about life. Always dodging the next wall or barrier, trying to figure out the best way to win today's "race," strategizing for the holes to jump through, barrels to climb, and slides to fall down. Bouncing from one pilar to the next in a whirlwind of dizzyness.
But unlike the obstacle course, life never allows us to know what is up ahead. We face today's challenges and then wait for tomorrow's.
There are many sermons on having "unshakeable faith." Knowing that whatever "obstacles" God brings to us we are always prepared knowing he is in control. I wish I had that peace, the peace a child has in knowing that the obstacle course does not waver each time they go through. Having faith that comes in trusting a mere inflatable full of air. When the one we should trust in has much more power than that inflatable. Having a faith that does not waver, can withstand all challenges or obstacles life deals us, and gives us peace to face each day.

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. Let perseverence finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
In James 1:12 Blessed be the man that perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him. WOW what hope that brings!
Our obstacle course isn't about "winning" a competition or a race. Our obstacle course gives us the promise of eternal life. But we must have that "unshakeable faith," an unwavering, concrete foundation that is in the Word that our Lord Jesus Christ laid before us through his scarred hands.

Embarrassed, Humility, and Shame

2011-08-03T03:01:00.000-04:00

I have been MIA and neglecting my blog lately. I have been busy with Real Life Stories and getting the introduction letter out. Those finally were sent and now I have a meeting Aug. 11th so pray people show up who want to volunteer. Here is the letter I sent...without the letterhead obviously.
July 22, 2011

Dear Friends and Family,

Losing a loved one is never easy. When the loss is sudden or tragic you are never prepared. And in the many difficult days ahead it is hard to know how to cope and where to turn.

Real Life Stories (RLS) is founded on the purpose to provide community outreach for the survivors of loved ones lost too soon. The goal is to establish a community where God’s Word provides hope, strength, comfort, peace, and support.

Real Life Stories will be focused in the South Atlanta area. There are very few resources available to those who are facing one of the hardest or the hardest struggle of their life. At a time when you feel hopeless you need someone who can walk beside you, lend an ear, and give you hope in the face of tragedy. The only answers we will find were written centuries ago and still hold true today. Providing each of us with the way to get through it, the courage to go on, and the place where you will find rest.

Care Packages, testimonials, meetings, remembrance cards, and support are a few services RLS wishes to provide. Those left to grieve need to know there is a place where they “fit” in, a place where their story matters.

Life is full of busyness but knowing that you have set aside the time to help someone who is hurting, showing them your passion and care will bring tremendous fulfillment and can bring you comfort in the things you are struggling with.

If you feel like this may be something you are interested in helping with, volunteering a small part of your time, or become fully committed to I invite you to meet with us August 11, 2011 6:30pm at Dogwood Church 975 Hwy 74S Tyrone, GA 30290. We need people like you to donate time, energy, and experience in a variety of areas. We plan to discuss ways to start our mission and see how many would like to be involved.

We are also in need of those who are able and willing to provide some sponsorship to support this ministry with startup costs. Those who can help will receive a Real Life Stories T-Shirt as our thank you.

The need for this is unfortunately far too big. It’s written on every front page newspaper and on our televisions every night. Together, we hope to make a difference in many lives and in many different ways.

To contact Real Life Stories with any questions you may have or for help with a donation please contact us by phone, email, or by mail.

Thank you and we look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,

Real Life Stories

Heather Grijalva

678-588-7594
heather@rlsministries.org

Thought you might like to check it out and give me any feedback/suggestions.
We also went on family vacation last week to Panama City, FL. The girls had so much fun. I will post some pics later.
I have embarrassed myself pretty bad. Its one of those "you can't take back" foot in the mouth things.
Wikipedia defines it as "Embarrassment is an emotional state experienced upon having a socially or professionally unacceptable act or condition witnessed by or revealed to others. Usually some amount of loss of honour or dignity is involved, " Which pretty much sums up my embarrassing moment. A huge amount of dignity lost and the unacceptable act was witnessed or shall I say revealed by others.
I've not only embarrassed myself but my husband as well, which hurts the most. It could potentially make others believe that I may or "am" some crazy person who has lost their mind. But in the moment I felt as if I were losing it. Humiliated is more of what the outcome of this has been. I found this prayer on Forever Notebook
Prayer
“Father in Heaven. Help me to rise above my feelings, lay aside my personal plans, and do things Your way. Forgive me for my disobedience and help me to apply Your instruction to every aspect of my life. Help me to love as You love. Help me to forgive as You forgive. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen”
I just might need to pray this one for a while.
Full of humility, embarrassment and shame I will hope for forgiveness and seek God's direction for my faults.
My award for the day!

Anything is Possible....Real Life Stories

2011-06-30T09:59:00.000-04:00

This week has been an overwhelming and exciting whirlwind in an endeavor I have wanted to embark on for a long time.
Starting two weeks ago I emailed our Pastor and inquired about an idea I had that I felt the Holy Spirit was laying very heavily on my heart. I have been searching and asking for guidance and direction in my life as I felt there was more He wanted for me.
That is where "Real Life Stories" began. I will try to keep the story as short as possible but I am usually a person of many words (especially when I am writing.) My manager says she leaves my emails for last because they are always so detailed.
I put my ideas in a powerpoint, waited a couple of weeks in apprehension, finally emailed the Pastor and he wanted to meet right away. This was delayed a week due to him being at a conference. Last Tuesday we met, he loved the idea and was completely on board. We decided to continue to pray for the "next step" God wanted for it. Saturday morning I received a "mystery" package with all these wonderful things that had "Real Life Stories" on it. The pic is below, I have a sweet sweet friend who thought of me long before I met with the Pastor to get me motivated to go for it. I took it as my "next step" and emailed the Pastor. I now have a meeting next week with a woman who runs a non-profit for our church and is highly involved in all the non-profits in the area. She seemed excited. I have finaly started sharing this with many people as I was hesitant at first due to my insecurities. I have received a lot of reassurance that this is a much needed ministry. I put some of the slides below to show a little of what it is.
I'm trying to get a blog together for it so I don't have a link yet.
It is for those Who Lost Loved Ones too Soon; Sudden and Traumatic losses. Turns out there was a much higher need for this in our area than I had first realized. So many young lives taken and I live in an area that is on the Top 10 Best places to Live.

In short I pray God will continue providing me with the "next step" and this soon could turn into something more. My passion is intense for it and I hope that gives me enough drive to not give up.
This week I am literally "High on Life" and soooooo "Thankful."

Habakkuk 2:3 "But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. It seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day."

PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE I keep telling myself.

With Love,

Happy Weekend!

2011-06-29T12:55:00.000-04:00

I found this quote on the Women of Faith blog yesterday and just had to share.
During the battle the Lord isn’t watching us, cheering us on; He’s the One fighting. That’s enough hope to face any tomorrow. ―Karen Kingsbury

With Love,

Letting Go

2011-06-27T15:15:00.000-04:00

Last night I heard a radio show host say he once heard, "life is a bunch of seasons filled with letting go."
"Letting go" if googled has a lot of meanings. Letting go of a broken relationship, letting go of a loved one, letting go of a job, letting go of your financial situation, letting go of love, and more and more things to let go.
I thought about the different situations that "letting go" may involve; like letting go of the cord to bunjee jump, letting go to deep sea dive, letting go into a cage to swim with the sharks.
I realized that all of these meanings or situations involved giving up of self. Trusting someone or something that could put you in a state of uncontrollable feelings. Whether pain, anger, resentment, fear, sorrow, or suffering.
But the true and most important part of life is giving up of self, selfish desires, and worldy ways in surrender to the Lord. Ultimate sacrifice and "letting go." Once we can fully trust in God and his plans the other "letting go" stuff will not seem so hard because you have the most powerful tool at your side. So start "letting go," not for the secular world but for the non-secular reward given by God.
Release yourself and you will find that you are falling into his arms.

2011-06-21T15:57:00.000-04:00

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I SHOULD SAY "POSSIBLY" LEADING ME!!!

Even if it is a Monday...

2011-06-20T10:36:00.002-04:00

Head over to For the Love of Blogs and link up!
Welcome back friends. This weeks edition of Monday Moo's is going to be a couple questions about Summer Time!

Do you take more breaks from blogging because I notice a huge difference in these months as far as commenting goes, posts, stats, etc. What keeps you busy throughout the summer besides the obvious {warm weather}?

To answer:

I don't "intentionally" take breaks from blogging but I need a sufficient amount of time to do it because I am such a freak that I revise, edit, and checking everything over and over before I actually post it. (I think that may be OCD)!
I've been a slacker!-no, actually pretty busy with both girls at home, not that we really go ANYWHERE because I am too tired during the day to even endure the thought of getting them ready to go somewhere. I have been working on something very dear to my heart. I don't want to say much more right now but I am meeting with my Pastor tomorrow morning so all I can ask is for your prayers that it is God's will for my life because I am extremelly passionate about!

Which is why my verse for the day is....
2 Corinthians 1:4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Since I haven't done any blog hops recently I am going to join in this morning!

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Every Monday I'll add three questions, the first one will always be the same.
1. What did you do this week to take time for yourself? Nothing last week as I was under the weather however, this week my girls are going to stay at Grandma's!!! So I'm hoping for some time to myself this week.
2. What is your favorite outdoors activity? I have horrible allergies so not a big FAN of the outdoors unless I am in a swimming pool
3. What is your favorite breakfast? Publix bakery Cinnamon Rolls Hands Down!

It's Summertime!!

2011-06-15T13:11:00.000-04:00

It has been 3 weeks since school got out for the Summer!

Oh how I wish Summer break meant the same as it did 12 years ago. Carefree, warm nights, hanging out with friends, being able to leave the house in a minutes time, laying out soaking up the rays, lake boats rides where you could actually fall asleep with the breeze blowing against your face, I could go on and on.

I miss those days. Now its been replaced with constant whines, fighting, trying to make toys do things they really can't do.

My head is pounding by 9 o'clock. I want to treasure this time in their lives so much but I feel like I'm battling a brick wall.

Now I look forward to the radio stations "90s" music weekends.

Thank you for the weekend rendezvous!!!

Here's to Wishful Thinking!!!

With Love,

The What If's

2011-05-31T11:41:00.000-04:00

We can't help but sometimes drift into the "what if's" in life.
What if the very thing you want to do seems impossible?
What if the things you try to protect your children from become the things that consume them?
What if everything you worked for was lost instantly?
What if you had decided to choose a different career path in college?
What if you had just a little more money?
What if you just found out I have a terminal disease?
What if a friend betrays you?
What if your friend is going through a difficult time and you want to be there but just can't?

There are thousands of "what if's" we find drifting into our minds as if the life we have could have been something else? We often question "why did this happen to me?"

I've been struggling with what I want for my life, asking God to give me direction as to what I should be doing, where can I make the biggest impact, etc. I spent last week sick with my stomach again. I need to have a procedure called ERCP as they believe I have a Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction. ERCP is a high risk procedure that can cause chronic pancreatitis, especially among younger women. But the time has come to bite the bullet and get this cured because it is very dabilitating and put me out of work for a week and in the hospital. It happens mostly when I get stressed and tired. And with the 4 hours of sleep a night it's no wonder it came on so quickly. While out of work, my work did something that was quite unfair to me (punishment I imagine) which set me off into a tissy of frustration for what I am doing with my life.

I have been wanting to do a small program that will hopefully lead into a non-profit organization in the south Atlanta area for those who have been affected by violent crime among those who were taken too soon. Violent crime has a pretty narrow definition but I want to include the victims of drunk driving and suicide. I've made the presentation I want to speak with our pastor about (hopefully to get some start up help) but sit here and doubt myself and contemplate actually calling him or constantly thinking it is something I want to do but can't.
We also had a small house fire on the outside corner of my house. Thankfully a neighbor was coming down the street and actually stopped to help. He thought it was a grill because all of our wood chips were flaming. But he was a savior and helped minimize the damage and put most of the fire out. As much as that was a "why me" moment, I had to see how lucky we were to have been blessed with his timing and reaching out.
Ava got nipped by the dog (complete accident) and has a stitch on her cheek. Rob had to take her to the doctor and thankfully he did because I would NOT have been able to handle it.
Summer has "OFFICIALLY" began and by 9am I thought I was not going to make it. Another reason my job is just not suitable for me anymore. But what do you do when you need the money to provide for your family yet are in an environment that is unhealthy and wearing me out. I know only God can answer that so I've been praying God, can you pass a little sign my way, actually a BIG sign because like I said, I am a self doubter. I see the glass half empty which I wish could be different but it's one of those things that "is what it is."

I didn't really want this post to be a downer but it appears it has gone south. I wish I had some exciting wonderful things to share but unfortunately reality are the events of last week.

With Love,

Field Day & the end of pre-k

2011-05-31T11:39:00.000-04:00

My little baby AVA is officially a 2011-2012 Kindergartener!!!

Hubby's Prom Photshoot

2011-05-31T11:27:00.000-04:00

The Hubs did a photoshoot for a friend's daughter and her friend. I think they turned out wonderful but they are such gorgeous girls!

Majorly Weak

2011-05-17T12:16:00.001-04:00

Rob & I have been studying the Holy Spirit in our Marriage Mentoring book. I had been having a pretty bad couple of weeks. Zoe was taken out of daycare and I have been getting up with her at 7am when I only get about 4 hours of sleep a night, sometimes less. And some people may be able to run on 4 hours of sleep but NOT me, I require at least 9, seriously I could sleep for a full 24 hours. Even my child put on the Mother's Day card she made at school when asked to answers questions about me that "sleep" was my favorite thing to do. Oh an the best thing my mommy cooks for me, "Ramen Noodles." Mom of the Year award definetly not headed my direction! The point is that my lack of sleep has caused me to almost lose it. I forget stuff for my daughter's school, am always late for field trips, late for work, disorganized (which I absolutely HATE to be), feeling like I'm not pulling my weight with the household duties, stressed about finances (we had everything break at just about the same time i.e. we need a lawnmower (I live on 2 acres and have NO lawnmower,) our TV takes about 15 minutes to come on before you can see the picture or hear sound and when it does well let's just say Dora's water is green, our dryer stopped working, and we need new living room furniture pretty badly. I know these things are only monetary but it still gets overwhelming when you work all the time and don't have the extra money to do anything. I am an emotional wreck that I don't get to spend as much time as I want to with my girls (I try to catch up on some sleep on the weekends when my husband is home) which leads me to not seeing them in the small opportunity I can which is Saturday mornings. I work every weekend so family time just doesn't happen anymore :( I do spend most of the day with Zoe and she is the type of child you CANNOT leave unattended for more than a minute; it's hard to even go to the bathroom. I was putting my makeup on yesterday in my bathroom and Ava was in there with me when all of a sudden Ava came running in there screaming about a black sharpie. Oh yes, black sharpie everywhere (and this is the second occurrance). This morning she fed the dog a whole thing of the bakery cinnamon rolls. She is very destructive, much unlike Ava was.
Last Friday I was almost at a breaking point, I cried all day, missed my brother, and just had myself a little pity party. That's when I opened up the marriage book and came upon the verse from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. I had heard of verse 9 but never read verse 10. Verse 10 was exactly what I needed to hear right at that time.
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

For when I am weak, THEN I am strong. The THEN part really made me think. It was like an enlightenment on what we see as weaknesses, let downs, dissapointments, unworthyness, and bitterness; he finds as strength.
That day I was not feeling strong at all. I felt worthless and that made me angry. Not to say reading this verse miraculously cured my feelings but it has given me a lot to think about and has helped me going into this week as I am facing a difficult challenge at work. Actually dealing with a difficult person and the difficulties with my schedule. I have been doing a lot of soul searching trying to find out where God wants me to be. I trust that I am exactly where he wants me to be for now and trust that he will put me where I need to be when I need it. I just wish that time would come sooner than later. Someone said to me the other day, "be careful what you wish for." Funny how you could actually think your prayers were used by God for bad. God's will is what it is and we will never be able to change it.
I did get to go get my hair done which of course makes me feel better, it was long overdue. Here is a pic of the new style.

For now I will consider my weakness as an opportunity to be strong.
With Love,

Scripture for Mommies

2011-05-09T11:38:00.001-04:00

When you are concerned about your family’s future…
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the lord, plans for welfare [peace] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
When you need wisdom…
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:5
When you are worried…
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
When you need assurance…
Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. John 5:24
When you can’t make ends meet…
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
When you’ve had a rough day…
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
When you face difficult problems…
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16
When you want your husband to follow the Lord…
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 1 Peter 3:1-2
When there are family tensions…
Put on then… compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:12-14
When God doesn’t seem real to you…
You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD. Jeremiah 29:13-14
When you wonder if God loves you…
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
When you need forgiveness…
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
When no one seems to understand you…
O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. Psalms 139:1-2

When you feel like giving up…

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T00:01:00.001-04:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOM!

If I could give you diamonds
for each tear you cried for me.
if I could give you sapphires
for each truth you’ve helped me see.
If I could give you rubies
for the heartache that you’ve known
If I could give you pearls
for the wisdom that you’ve shown. Then you’ll have a treasure, mother,
that would mount up to the skies
That would almost match
the sparkle in your kind and loving eyes. But I have no pearls, no diamonds,
As I’m sure you’re well aware
So I’ll give you gifts more precious
My devotion, love and care.

I LOVE YOU MOM AND HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, I KNOW IT IS HARD FOR YOU WITHOUT HIM HERE. BUT I KNOW HE'S UP THERE WATCHING AND SMILING FOR YOU TODAY.~I LOVE YOU VERY, VERY MUCH

Found this great little poem for all the Grandmother's too!!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MAMAW!!

While we honor all our mothers

with words of love and praise

While we tell about their goodness

And their kind and loving ways

We should also think of Grandma,

she's a mother too you see,

For she mothered my dear mother

as my mother mother's me!!

~Author Unknown

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

REAL MOTHERS

Real Mothers don't eat quiche;

They don’t have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
Are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
Filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough
Doesn't come out of carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what
The vacuum just sucked up...
Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'
And get their answer when a little
Voice says, 'Because I love you best.'
Real Mothers know that a child’s growth
Is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mommy to
Mom to Mother.....
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't know everything!
14 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother? She wouldn't have a clue.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's so five minutes ago
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,

Because that is the doorway to her heart,

The place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,

But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul

It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows,

And the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Wishing you all a Happy Mother's Day!!!!

With Love,

Happy Mothers Day from your son

2011-05-07T19:52:00.003-04:00

Mom,
For all the things I didn't say,
About how I felt along the way--
For the love you gave and the work you've done,
Here's appreciation from your admiring son.
You cared for me as a little tot,
When all I did was cry a lot,
And as I grew your work did too--
I ran and fell and got black and blue.
I grew some more and it didn't stop;
Now you had to become a cop,
To worry about mistakes I'd make;
You kept me in line for my own sake.
I got older, and the story repeated;
You were always there whenever I needed.
You guided me and wished me the best,
I became wiser and knew I was blessed.
So, for all the times I didn't say,
The love I felt for you each day,
Mom, read this so you can always see
Just how much you mean to me.
Mom, Thanks for everything!
By Karl Fuchs
Love Richard

Thankful Thursday

2011-04-28T13:24:00.000-04:00

This week has come with a lot of scares so I am in need of prayer for my 2 year old Zoe. She has been sick off and since the beginning of April spikeing high fevers and becoming very lethargic and refusing to eat or drink.

Monday it started again and I just had a feeling something was not right. So Tuesday when she woke up again with the fever I took her to the doctor and I am very Thankful that I did.

Her urine and blood work show some signs of possible kidney problems. We will hopefully receive more answers today from another test she had done yesterday. They could never get enough urine to culture so my poor baby had to be cathed. I am thankful that my husband took her as I don't know if I would have handled it. I needed to go to work so we o parted from the hospital and he took her back to the doctor for the cath. Her fever got up to 105.7 on Tuesday which is very scary for a mommy, as most of you know. We have spent much of the week at the doctor and hospital. I am Thankful she is feeling better. Please pray for good results and treatment to help her get well.

So first thing I am Thankful for is Mother's instinct
Zoe is finally started to feel better

Last night we have severe storms here in Georgia. At work we were evacuated into the Emergency Shelter a couple of times due to the tornado sirens. On my way home from work at 1:30A I could not get down the road toward my house, a HUGE tornado hit there and leveled houses, had trees in the street and power lines just hanging there. I talked to some people in the road and they said one couple who's house was leveled were inside the home but were safe.
I had to turn around and adjust my route. But as I went a different direction I found the tornado path again and there were power lines all over the road, telephone poles broken in pieces in the road, and more trees down. The tornado went right over the Fire Dept. I was able to get home but it ended up taking me 1 1/2 hours. A tornado hit my friends lake house and it is gone and their boat turned upside down in the water.

I am extremely Thankful my family was safe. And I pray for all those who lost their homes. There were 2 fatalities in the city next to ours. I could not believe the devastation that storm left.
I am Thankful for my mom letting Ava spend the night so she could take her to the movies today. The poor thing has been on Spring Break and has spent it at doctors. We had so much planned this week for her and I. We weren't able to do any of it. She is going to see "Hop!"

I also added some Easter pictures below because the Resurrection has been the GREATEST thing I am Thankful for this week.

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter! Blessings to you all this coming week.

CVAC Memorial Service

2011-04-28T13:06:00.000-04:00

What broke in a man when he could bring himself to kill another? ~Alan Paton

The moment a man claims a right to control the will of a fellow being by physical force, he is at heart a slaveholder. ~Henry C. Wright, The Liberator, 7 April 1837

The CVAC (Crime Victims Advocacy Council) annual memorial event on 4/10 had to be one of the most heart wrenching things to be a part of. So many people who have lost loved one's to violent crime; whether DUI, murder, or teen violence they all have suffered tremendous losses. Family members can line up and walk up to a microphone and say who they were here for. To look into the eyes of other's who are hurting, there just aren't any words. In the Atlanta area alone 176 murders took place in 2010. With 365 days in the year every other day in Atlanta someone lost a loved one to a selfish act of violence.
We all lit candles in memory of those lost. I think I cried out a lot that I had been holding in for so long.

The 2010 Murder Wall was revealed. I looked at all the names on the wall and none of them were personal to me except my brother's. But all of those people have a story, family who mourn their loss. They have now become a statistic, just like my brother. I think that hurt the most at that time. I had to leave the room, I couldn't stand the sight of my brother's name etched in granite for so many to see not knowing who he was, his smile, his generosity, and all of the things that made him, "HIM."

His Birthday was 4-14 and we went to the grave and sat for a while together with a few family and friends who would drop by. He is missed by many and has made a mark in a lot of lives; he will never be forgotten. I love you and miss you like crazy Brother.
A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble. ~Charles H. Spurgeon

Humbling, Honesty, I got Awards~na na na na, & One Silly Girl Post It Note Tuesday

2011-04-26T03:49:00.000-04:00

MY LOVELY AWARDS FROM A SWEETHEART AT MELODY MAE! THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY DAY~HUGS

OK SO I AM SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU 5 THINGS YOU WOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME. PRETTY EASY SINCE I HAVEN'T EVER MET ANYONE OF MY BLOGGING FRIENDS, MY LIFE FRIENDS MAY ALREADY KNOW BUT THIS GOES OUT TO THE WORLD OF BLOGGERS!

1. Being Tan and a new Hairdo make my day;especially the one's where I am down in the dumps

2. I paint my girls toes and nails almost everyday (literally)

3. My brother has given me a HUGE payback in my 2 year old, Zoe. Just too much alike; I am very scared. Did I mention how SCARED, Very, which could really be very x 100,000,000

4. I have a terrible habit of picking at my hair; been like that since coming out of the womb.

5. I don't believe I have actually started the "grieving process" and that frightens me

Now it's time to pass along these tremendously fantastic and utterly special awards...

1. Pineapples n Pickles

2. All Work and No Play Makes Mommy go Something Something

3. Some Kind of Wonderful

4. Love is Everywhere

5. Undeserving Grace

To all these beautiful ladies and their blogs I thank you for your inspiration.

One last thing I want to add: SNIPETS FROM AVA(5 yrs of age)

Ava: Mommy do you know that woman over there in the white shorts *at church on Saturday*?

Mommy: I don't know Ava I can't see that far, mommy has bad eyes

Ava: You should eat more carrots then mommy

Glorious Day

2011-04-24T03:54:00.000-04:00

Wishing everyone a blessed and Happy Easter from my family to yours! We are lucky to live in a nation where we can publically worship the King and what he sent Jesus to do for each of us. To take it for granted is like throwing away a million dollars (or whatever $ value you you think will make you happy). The ultimate gift in life is FREE, no strings attached and no family looking for payouts, it is there for us all and will replace all monetary things. It was given to us by a price paid that we, sinners, do not deserve. But God's love for his children, outpowers all that was, is, and is yet to come. Casting Crowns O'Glorious Day has become one of my favorite songs and I wanted to share it with you on the day we celebrate Jesus and the resurrection, the price that he paid before you and I ever walked this Earth.

"He IS MiNe" what a comforting and powerful truth! He has been given to us to redeem us from our sin and wipe away all the wrongs.
I found this poem...In a small book called Heaven.
I once scorned ev'ry fearful thought of death.
When it was but the end of pulse and breath,
But now my eyes have seen past the pain
There is a world that's waiting to be claimed
Earthmaker, Holy, let me now depart,
For living's such a temporary art.
And dying is but getting dressed for God.
Our graves are merely doorways cut in sod. ~Calvin Miller

John 20:24-29
Christ's nail-scarred hands and feet in his eternal, resurrected body prove that his suffering and redemption-and the face that they were necessitated by our sins-will not be forgotten.
The departing of believing loved ones is not the end of our relationship with them, only a interruption. We have not lost them, because we know where they are.They are experiencing the joy of Christ's presence in a place so wonderful that Christ called it Paradise. And one day, we're told, we'll be brought back together in a magnificant reunion to 'be with the Lord forever. '
1 Thessalonians 4:17-18
After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

In the moment that we who are saved shall meet our several friends in heaven, we shall at once know them, and they will at once know us. (JC Ryle)
Jesus died on the cross as the only one worthy to pay the penalty for our sins demanded by the holiness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21) God made him who had no sin to be sin[a] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. On the cross, he took upon himself the Hell we deserve, in order to purchase for us the Heaven we don't deserve.

I found this little quote and I devote it to my brother..."If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever" ~author unknown

It's the circle of life, and it moves us all, through despair and hope,

through faith and love, 'till we find our place, on the path unwinding. (Elton John)

Thankful Thursday

2011-04-07T03:28:00.000-04:00

Undeserving Grace hosts this great blog hop every Thursday so we can remind ourselves of the things we are grateful for since we tend to spend much more time on the things we do not have.

Here is my Thankful List from this week:

Zoe is finally feeling better! poor thing has been just terribly sick for over a week
My husband who doesn't give up
Cross my fingers but that I think I have found a sitter so my husband can go to the CVAC memorial with me~he hasn't got to go to anything that has to do with my brother's death
Power & Electricity-after a full day of no power; you really have to be thankful for it b/c without it life can be pretty yucky~I was just not made for pioneering
That Ava is so excited about her ABC Circus performance at school Friday! can't wait to see her
A pretty quiet week so far

If I sat here long enough I could think of tons that I am thankful for but for now, I leave you with this...
The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." - Proverbs 16:9

CVAC

2011-04-06T13:10:00.033-04:00

CVAC’s Annual Memorial Service will be April 10, 2011 at First Baptist Church of Decatur, beginning at 7 pm.

Our keynote speaker is Claudia A. Barnes.

Her topic will be “God Makes No Mistakes”

"I am now one of many who are members of a club we did not want to join."
Her husband was a victim of the Brian Nichols 2005 Fulton Co. Courthouse shootings. The full story can be viewed here Click Here.

March 11, 2005 began as usual for me and the love of my life, Judge Rowland W. Barnes. There was absolutely no warning that my whole life would be transformed into one of despair, heartache and utter turmoil in the matter of a few minutes. The Fulton County Courthouse assassinations of Rowland and his court reporter, Julie Brandau, along with the murders of Deputy Hoyt Teasley and Federal Agent David Wilhelm, plus many other acts of violence, changed so many lives.

It was two months later in May, on a motorcycle trip to Washington, D.C. to honor fallen peace officers, that my mind was cleared and my heart at peace. There were several times when I was asked unexpectedly to address those attending the planned events. All I could expound on was the fact that God makes no mistakes. I was asked to return the next year as a guest speaker. Having worked at the courthouse myself for 24 years, I remained at my job for another three and a half years. Every day during those last years, I had to force myself to go to the building of the crimes. God led many employees to my office, as well as visitors, who seemed to find a source of comfort in my presence. In 2006, I was asked to become a Board Member for CVAC. It's amazing what God has done through me to assist other victims in their struggle to comprehend the change of paths in their lives. He has also led me to fight for new legislation for victims, to speak out in the community, and has given me a passion to spread information to a society who knows nothing personally about the effects crime has on others.

Please join us in celebrating your loved one’s life and your continuing love for them.

C.V.A.C.

My brother will be featured on the murder wall at this Memorial Service.

I am excited to hear what other's have gone through and how they have managed to cope with their loved one's death. Their site is sponsored by Jennifer Ann's Group to STOP TEEN DATING VIOLENCE.

Sharing In The Party!

2011-04-06T03:20:00.000-04:00

I am linking up for the ULTIMATE BLOG PARTY 2011 WITH 5 Minutes for Mom!

Hi I'm Heather! I am called many things; a child of God, wife, mommy, daughter, sister, supervisor, grandaughter, aunt, niece, Hev to my friends, well, you get the point. None of these things define who I am as a person just what label I have been given at any particular time. Most important is that I am a child of God, a Christ follower, a woman trying to abide by his Word to grow a deeper relationship with Him.
In January 2010 my life took a turn in a direction I had never imagined. It was always something you "hear" about but never can fully understand, until you are stuck right in the center of it and there just isn't a way out. On the 30th of January in 2010 my little brother (only by 15 mths but still little to me) was murdered. I fell apart but not completely because fortunate enough for me I knew enough about God's love for us. I had began my journey with Christ to truly know Him and not just about Him about a year before this happened. He is WHO has held me up, put back the pieces I lost and is still holding them together.
Some days I lose it, some days I just cry, some days I find joy and happiness, some days I can feel peace, but everyday I am reminded of what was lost. Taken so selfishly by someone who tried to be God.
I have 2 sweet and very precious daughters, Ava is 5 and Zoe is 2! They brighten my days and can also make mommy a little "you know what," trying to find that 5 minutes for myself. I have been married for 7 years this May to a wonderful man, Rob. I am learning to deal with my grief, my responsibilities as a wife and mom, my work responsibilities and continuously learning to depend upon God's strength to accomplish the things in my day. This blog was really started for me, as a way to release some of my feelings and show how God has helped me. I have met so many wonderful bloggers in the process and am so thankful for many of their encouragement and prayers.
I live in Georgia right where I grew up! I love that I am from the south but I am also interested in what the rest of this world has to offer.
So please stay, look around and if you think you will like me, I would love to get to know you!
God Bless, With Love,

Wonderful Snipets Mix Up

2011-03-30T13:30:00.000-04:00

I have been reading so many wonderful devotions lately that I have wanted to write about but have had such little time. So I wanted to share a snipet from a few of them or at least their scripture, all which have come to me at the right time during my life. A great quote by Charles Stanley, "No one gets through life without storms. We are in one, just getting out of one, or about to enter one."
(1 John 1:1-3) - Communion with our Lord~The Word of Life Statue of Grieving Woman

This is a powerful scripture which is so relevant to today's worldview. Amazing how Christ knew how much we would be impacted by the things of this world, not only in biblical times but throughout the centuries. Thankfully, he "rescued us."

(James 4:6-10)- Draw near to God
As we open ourselves up to the Lord, He opens up to us. Many times he uses situations and difficulties to get our attention and stimulate our thirst for Him. What appears to us to be a painful or desperate situation is His invitation to draw near. Have you let adversity and failure pull you away from God instead of toward Him? To put distance between you and Jesus, Satan will misuse the very situations that the Lord can utilize to draw you to Himself.
(1 Samuel 1:1-20) Hannah's Example~This is one of my favorite's, I had never heard this story and we can learn 2 things from her: 1. Staying Committed to Family-she displayed godly love by enduring torment by the other women because of her committment to family. 2 things we can learn from Hannah: 1. Communicating Love & Acceptance- She considered Samuel a "gift from the Lord." We have the power to build up our children and our spouses - or tear them down. Through our words of affirmation, prayers, and parental hugs & kisses, we show how much we value them. Some of us live with difficult people. At times we are negatively impacted by the choices they make. God understands your situation just as he was fully aware of Hannah's. Draw close to Him and experience His love & commitment to you. *Then EXPRESS the same to OTHERS.*
"I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life." - John 8:12 I had to write this one down, it is so critical. Most people live trying to make it through life in darkness--spiritual darkness--and much self-inflicted pain and unnecessary falls take place, because most people in the dark feel they're doing fine on their own. But Jesus tells us He is the Light of the World, the enlightment about God, man, and life. Without Him, we are spiritually dark, we keep stumbling, falling, and are filled with frustration. If you turn on the light, really see God, and understand; everything will make sense.
Crisis Equals Danger & Opportunity
"That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10
"Life is filled with crises. We shouldn’t see them problems, but an opportunities. Opportunities to grow closer to God, to seek His wisdom and strength and in the process and come through a time of danger as a stronger and wiser person, who has risen to the challenge of getting through a crisis.
Are you facing a crisis in your family? In your work? In your life? Remember it’s a dangerous time — a time of great risk. Respond poorly and it can be devastating. But seeing it as an opportunity to seek help from God and how to successfully navigate your way through a mine field of living, can make your life a better life, a more meaningful life than ever before."~Right from the Heart--Bryant Wright
I had to copy that one because it was worded so perfectly.

Fish Hatchery Fun

2011-03-29T11:55:00.000-04:00

Ava had a field trip in Warm Springs Friday and we had lots of fun together feeding, looking at the fish & enjoyed watching her class play duck duck goose. It brought back lots of childhood memories watching them play! I am happy she has a great class & teacher. Alway makes mommy's & daddy's feel good about leaving them in the care of others.

YEP MY BABY GOT THE BOY IN DUCK DUCK GOOSE!!! SHE'S GOT SKILLS.

FEEDING THE CATFISH, THEY SMELLED REAL GOOD.

THE BABY ALLIGATOR WHO PEED ON THE GUY WHEN HE TOOK HIM OUT. LOL IF YOU MET THE GUY, YOU WOULD KNOW WHY THAT WAS SO FUNNY!

HUGE GOLDFISH

I HAVE ALSO REALIZED HOW MUCH I NEED A NOSE JOB, WITH EACH CHILD IT HAS GROWN & GROWN..........UGGHH THE PRICE WE MOMMY'S PAY! ALL WORTH IT THOUGH TO SEE THAT PRETTY SMILE ON HER FACE!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Post It Note Tuesday= THE VENT

2011-03-29T11:37:00.000-04:00

I AM AWARE OF THE TYPO'S BUT I DON'T CARE ENOUGH TO CHANGE THEM NOR DO I HAVE THE ENERGY......................HAPPY TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is exactly what I needed today...

2011-03-22T22:28:00.001-04:00

My husband sent me this by email today and I just opened it and read it exactly when I needed it. There are plenty who need it right at this moment!

One Door
Closes..Another Opens
Revelations
3:8
When God leads you to the edge of the
cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2
things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! 'The power of one sentence! God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can
close..
When you reach the end of your rope you will find the hem of his garment.
I would rather live
my life as if there is a God,
And die to find out
there isn't, than live my life
As if there isn't,
and die to find out there is.
You are my 8 in 8 seconds. I am not breaking this.
"8 Second Prayer"
"Lord, I love you and I need you,
Come into my heart,
and bless me, My family, my home, my finances, And all of my friends,
In Jesus' name.
Amen."
"Learning to accept each other's faults and choosing to celebrate each other's differences are some of the most important keys to creating healthy, growing and lasting relationships." unknown

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The things given up~Thankful Thursday

2011-03-17T10:30:00.002-04:00

Thankful for God's grace and healing this week.
My grandmother (Mamaw) who has been in the hospital all week, I am thankful it wasn't anything worse and that she is starting to recover
My parents (without them, I might fall apart)
My Aunt who is keeping my girls for me in the afternoon's and has been taking such great care of them
The spray tan I am getting from my friend's tanning salon this morning (and yes, I am already running late but I think giving thanks this AM was important) I am far too pale and the weather has been far too nice...so she is giving me a present!!! Love presents!
That I haven't exactly pulled ALL my hair out from this week at work (you know what I am talking about, we all have those weeks/days)
I watched the Passion of the Christ this past weekend for the second time, and it hit me in a whole different way than the first time I saw it when it came out. Lots of things have changed in my life and as we grow into a relationship with Christ and learn more of what was given up, thank you, thank you Jesus for your sacrifice to allow us to have the undeserving grace that we are given. I don't know if I am strong enough to take on what you did for all believers. Very painful for me to watch. And Mary, watching her son suffer so, being helpless, I felt a huge aching for her after seeing what my parents have gone through, knowing her Son paid the price for us all; what a Woman she was. I don't think there has ever been a strong woman and mother. Just looking at her face, in such agony gave me chills.
Let's carry on with the rest of our week, hoping to give thanks for all we do not deserve but have been given!

With Love,

Tasty Tuesday~Cooking is Not for Me

2011-03-15T13:23:00.000-04:00

I am not much of a cooker, I really don't have the time anymore since I am not home at night. But I do have a recipe that's pretty quick and the kids love it.

Tater Tot Casserole
Place Tater tots in bottom of a cooking dish (I don't know what they are called but they look like this)

I use a glass one though...

Cover the bottom of the pan with the tater tots.
Cook them for about 12 minutes on 350.
Pour 1 Can of No Bean Chili-I usually do 1 1/2 cans
Slice about 6 hot dogs and place on top to cover.
Cover with American Cheese shredded
Cook about 10 more minutes
And it's done..............I don't have pictures b/c well, haven't cooked it in a while. It is delicious, easy, and the kids love it!

Change your listening skills- Post It Note Tuesday

2011-03-15T13:05:00.000-04:00

Thankful through the Rain

2011-03-10T10:27:00.001-05:00

As I sit here at my brothers grave , as I have once again got things confused, messed up for the day. I thought my daughters 5 year check up was this morning at 10 so I have rushed around all morning picking up, trying to get some laundry done and literally getting ready in 15 minutes. As I drive I saw on my calendar an appt. I knew it was for her appt so I was going to check it off. Turns our it's at 2:15. Great there goes the day I had planned. Getting only 5 hrs of sleep she could have gone to school and now I kept her from going and left myself even more exhausted from my 5 days of working until 1am. It is my day "off." tomorrow school is out....my mind wanders into everything that goes wrong.
I stop to see my brother whom I am missing like crazy more and more as it is sinking in more & more he's not coming back and I long so badly to just touch him & give a simple hug.
In all of this pain and feelings of inadequacy I look at my daughter and thank God she is here for me to hug & kiss, to love, even on our days of butting heads, she is still here. I could find a thousand things I do not understand in this world, but there are a million+ things to be thankful for and 1 of them is holding her "magic" wand anxiously wanting to get out of the car to see her Uncle. Even if he is not here physically I am
Thankful his memory is there in her heart. There is always sunshine even in the rain.
God bless, with love,
Heather

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

What I heard and saw today

2011-03-09T03:13:00.001-05:00

I got a prayer request today from a woman at my husband's work about a family who lost their 3 year old little girl Sunday. Her dad had said he was taking her and her brother to chuck-e-cheese. The little girl got so excited she started jumping up and down on the bed. Well she fell off and hit the end table right on her temple. This happened on Saturday and she passed Sunday.
On my way to work this afternoon I saw what looked like a flat bed trailer that could have ran off the road. Police were everywhere. Upon closer investigation I see a motorcycle lying scrunched under the wheel. My heart dropped for both of these things I have heard and seen. The guy driving the motorcycle was sitting up against something so I could tell it wasn't as bad as it had looked.
By gods grace the guy was saved and by his provision that little girl is with him in heaven.
we never know what is waiting for us around the corner but by his strength we are carried. And by his might we are able to push forward.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Valleys

2011-03-08T12:08:00.000-05:00

To say life has been chaotic would be falling short of the truth. I have wanted to post on here for so long but just have not been able to find the time. Today, I have 30 minutes! My family has been going through a lot related to my brother's trial and it has been such an emotional roller coaster. Hope's are for it to start (as it has been delayed) because we have to emotionally prepare ourselves for what is to come each week we have thought it would begin. Prayers are needed during this time of uncertainty and despair. As I have been doing my devotions this week out of a little magazine that is sent monthly from In Touch Ministries, which I have found to be wonderful as they are quick life lessons. The magazine is always free if you are interested you can click on the link above.

A few days ago there was a study that really hit me and touched my heart to see things in a new light. It was called "The Believers Valley Experiences." The scripture reading for that day was Psalm 23.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.
¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³ he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
   through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.
⁵ You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.
This was the scripture used as the focal point at my brother's funeral. It is also on the Remembrance sticker I have on my back window. The devotion targeted the valleys of life.
"Where there are mountains, there must always be valleys and the same is true for our spiritual life. To reach the place God is leading us, we must sometimes traverse 'the valley of the shadow of death' (23:4)
We get to the mountaintops or the high places at times to rest a while, we feel close to God and sure of his love. But to get there we have to toil through the valley, where we discover His character, the truth of His promises, our own weakness. There are aspects of the Lord that we see only as we journey through the shadow. God wanted his followers to rely solely on him.
While walking in valleys is an inevitable part of life, believers aren't comfortless. Verse 23:5 talked about having needs met, including the desire to be soothed. God promises assurance, healing, and safety, even in HARDSHIP.
As believers we can shout 'Trust God' from the mountaintops because we have learned to live by faith in the valley. Walking in the shadow of evil is difficult and frightening work. But we surrender to whatever the Lord has to teach us in this dark place, our spirit is quieted and our faith is strengthened."

The devotion continues talking about the valley in the next lesson, "Equipped for the Valley."
Psalm 27:11-14
¹¹ Teach me your way, LORD;
   lead me in a straight path
   because of my oppressors.
¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
   for false witnesses rise up against me,
   spouting malicious accusations.
¹³ I remain confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD.

He touches on those who have a good biblical foundation will grow wiser through the valleys. He says "People with shaky theological foundation don't realize;
1. God is upholding them through their difficulty
2. It has a purpose
3. They must surrender to His work in their life or be set aside-still a believer but useless to the Kingdom
We, as believers, must know how the scripture applies to life. Those without a belief system that can withstand pressure, pain, criticism, , are at high risk. We need to build a biblical foundation so it will help in times of need.
Continuing the lesson he went on the third day about "God's Provision." Matthew 14:22-34 "No one gets through life without storms. We are in one, just getting out of one, or about to enter one. Jesus provides for us today just as he did for his disciples in uncertain situations."
The ways he does this:
1. Father gives Christians His presence and the promise that he will NEVER leave us.
- He offers comfort, courage, and confidence
2. He blesses his children with a pathway through trouble
- He is in total control of our storm and will use the trial for his purpose. We may not understand but we can trust his hand to guild us and accomplish good.
2. He offers believers the potential to grow.
- Hardships are excercises in trust and times to learn more fully who God is and how great His power and love are.
The last lesson, which is for today, is "Gratitude in the Storms of Life."

I haven't studied it so far, but am eager to do so. My typical devotion time is at night when I get home from work around 2AM when there is peace and quiet as I wind down for the evening so I can rest peacefully.

I know this was a long post but I found it most helpful. I am still working on the design for my blog so it may look a mess right now. Again, another time thing. Well, I have exceeded my time limit, as usual, and need to get going. But ask for your prayers as we continue through this valley.

God Bless, With Love

Please please pray today

2011-02-21T09:21:00.001-05:00

My family is going to endure a most difficult day today. I can't say too much but it is about my brother.
Please pray for our strength, comfort, peace, and courage.
With love,
Heather

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Blog Design Do-Over

2011-02-11T12:31:00.001-05:00

Please disregard the simplicity of my blog, I am trying to redo it, MYSELF, so it could take a while! We shall see how it works out. I don't have time to blog much anymore much less redo it. I think I might take up tweeting with this new Iphone I have, is it easier to blog that way???

BE Joyful

2011-02-11T00:01:00.002-05:00

This is a new link up that FTLOB is co-hosting with Joyful Jones and right away when I saw it I knew I had to participate since my journey has been finding the JOY in life again.

My JOY for the week is.......may be silly but I am super excited!

My new............................IPHONE!!!!! OH HAPPY DAY!!!

I have NEVER owned any new technology device. I have never even owned an IPOD and I think everyone has had one. Funny thing, I couldn't even figure out how to make a phone call, I finally got the phone to work but could hardly hear my husband talking! I am sure it has something to do with my settings but we will see tomorrow if I can start taking calls!!

Much LOVE goes out to my hubby who went to Verizon on his way to work at 7AM to buy it for me AND the cover for it that I wanted. It's my late birthday/Valentine present. We rarely give each other gifts, especially due to funds so I told him this could be the rest of the year present as well.
When he pulled in the parking lot there were all the employees standing out there and people were going by honking their horns and yelling out their windows "YAY", etc. in excitement; crazy for a Thur. 7AM work commute! But if it brought me joy, it also brought lots of other's joy too yesterday.
With Love,

It's Peeking In...

2011-02-04T22:48:00.000-05:00

Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord, will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

I have hoped in the Lord, my strength is beginning to be renewed. Even though there have been several trials and struggles in my life, I look back now and see where I was weak he made me strong, he kept me going, persevering in the darkest of days. And a hallelujah for that!
This past week was heartbreaking but at the end God brought me joy! Sunday, the 30th, was the 1 year anniversary of my brother's murder. We had a graveside candlelight vigil with lots of family and friends. It breaks my heart to see his friends that emotional about the one I called brother. We released chinese flying lanterns, which was a lot of fun even though we almost set a tree on fire.
My husband had interviewed twice with the same company in the past 2 weeks and we knew we should be hearing something this week, but by Thursday with no word, I could see my husband getting discouraged. I continued to pray and I knew there were a lot of people who were praying too.
I had plans to meet my friends (most of which I haven't seen since my brother's funeral) for my birthday dinner since I wasn't able to do anything around my birthday. Let me just tell you, when you have friends surrounding you that have been with you for over 10 years, all of us, still together, it made for a wonderful evening. I had secluded myself a lot this past year after my brother's death. These same friends whom I was with last night had thrown me a surprise birthday party last year on the 29th that led into the early morning of the 30th. Well, that was the morning I woke up to a world spinning full throttle out of control, and not just my head, from previous night experience, but because at 7am my parents walked through my front door with news that would forever change us. Our family, still broken, but 1 year later we are still standing and I knew it was Jesus who had saved us all this year. Over the past week I could not get my mind off the fact that last year between Jan 31 to Feb 2, we were planning a funeral and life just sucked and seemed so unfair.
But this year I had a peace within me through the week, even while my heart was breaking, peace was there too.
So onto the job, my husband FINALLY found a job and he starts Monday! Which was another whirlwind because we had absolutely no idea what to do for childcare. Heck, we still don't know. We have figured one of the times we need for childcare but the other no such luck, but even in the midst of figuring out the logistics of making it all come together, getting ready for a "new" routine, I feel so grateful for all those who prayed, so thankful for a God who is so good. I see it now God, I really do. He makes us learn patience, for nothing is ever on our time. And apart from him, we can do nothing.
My dinner with my girlfriends was remarkable. We had such a good time and one of my friends brought her 4 month old sweet little girl and another is expecting her 4th girl! And those 2 girls have forever changed my life. They both have been with me throughout this whole journey, through the hardness this past year brought, they were always there. It was a moment a year ago I never thought possible. I was still here, better than ever, with God at my right hand. And my friends give some of the best presents ever! I got 2 gift certificates to get my hair done (which is WAY too far overdue) but not now, I gonna get my hair did!
I got a beautiful pillow that says "Trust in the Lord," I will have to take a picture of it, it is just so encouraging. I was given a beautiful clock with some great quotes about life. I got the cutest picture frame that has my monogram on it. I love all things monogrammed and cannot wait to get a picture in it. I know the exact one I will use too, the picture of all of us girls, who a year ago were worried about me and grieving with me. But that night I smiled, I laughed, I loved, and I felt alive. It was special to me.
Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord, will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Makes my heart smile, because we WILL soar on wings like eagles; not in our timing but in God's.
You can see in this picture how BAD I needed those gift certificate's. LOL don't judge, we all have bad hair days, mine has just lasted a little, ok a LOT, longer! And I am the one in the glasses, again, no judging.

A few photos from the grave Sunday....my grandmother took these, well, my Mamaw!

With Love,

Hoo Are You

2011-02-01T13:35:00.000-05:00

I haven't done a linkup in a while because I really just have not had the time. Work is really busy and my hours are crazy, so I rarely get a chance to get online and check out everyone's blog that I enjoy so much or link up to meet new bloggers. So today I wanted to join in on the fun!

These questions come from Night Owl Crafting and allows us to get to know each other a little better and share a bit about our lives.

1. Are you married/in a relationship/single? For how long?
I have been married for 7 years this coming May!

2. What do you do for a living? Do you enjoy it?
I am a supervisor in a high volume call center. I am certain you have/had used a Blockbuster Express kiosk, so that is all I will say about that.

3. In what state do you live? Where were you born and raised?
Georgia born and raised for all my 30 years!

4. Do you have children? If so, how many? If not, do you want them?
I have two sweet girls who are 5 and 2 and I could not imagine life without them.

5. Who is your favorite blogger to follow and why?
I can't say I have a "favorite" but the one's I most enjoy are bloggers who are willing to show their vulnerability and are real. I am not into blogs that just promote product reviews, giveaways, etc. I prefer daily living and trials and spiritual living. Oh and I do LOVE crafts so I am always interested in what people make and how they do it. (I only wish I had the time to do any of it)

I hope you will check out her blog and join in on "Hoo Are You"

With Love,

Don't Quit

2011-01-27T08:42:00.000-05:00

Love this picture!

Found this today and just had to post. It came at the perfect time, so many tough things going on right now.
Don’t Quit

When things get wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems all up hill;
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Women of the Word

2011-01-26T15:23:00.008-05:00

I was so excited when I opened my email to see that I was the spotlight on Living on Love and Cents,My Slice of Sanity, ONE + ONE = FOUR, and Flutterbys and Frogs for Women of the Word Wednesday! This is a great way to bring God into our lives, lift each other up in prayer and give each other encouragement and support.
This is an especially hard week as Sunday, January 30th marks the 1 year anniversary of my brother's death. This week has also been filled with joys that I am trying to enjoy while also preparing for a sombering day. Monday the 24th I turned 30, ironic that I am 30 and my brother died on the 30th. My wonderful friends and I will be doing dinner next week so I am very excited to see each of them as it is hard to get together in a world full of kids, work, and everyday things. Today, the 26th my oldest daughter turned 5! I brought a cookie cake to school a little while ago and just got back. She shared a birthday party with her little sister a week ago and they had such a blast tumbling. Here are some pictures...

I will leave a verse this week to reflect on that I use to bring me comfort, strength, and peace in the upcoming days. If you are in need of these things I hope it can be uplifting for you as well. It is a simple verse but a powerful one that reminds us just how much Christ loves us.
Hebrews 13:5 “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
I ask for prayer this week for my family as we face this coming Sunday. I will be speaking at the grave for a small rememberance ceremony. I have rewrote the speech about 5 times so far so wish me luck. I want it to be just right.
With Love,

Love Day

2011-01-16T02:51:00.000-05:00

1 John 4:16
And we have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him

Facing the Obstacles in our Life

2011-01-15T09:33:00.000-05:00

In Joshua 1:1-9 the Lord tells Joshua of his plan for him to lead the Israelites into the Promise Land. I cannot imagine how terrified Joshua must have been when he was put in the shoes of Moses to continue in his task. The Lord promised Joshua that he would be with him just as he was with Moses. The Lord continued to give Joshua reassurance, telling him to be courageous and strong. Obeying all the law, not to turn from it, meditate on it, do not be terrified or discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you may go.
As I face many uncertainties and huge obstacles to come this year, the challenges I am already facing. Marrital problems that have been escalating, the demands of a job and mother, forgiveness, and the anger I am repressing. I think there is no way I am going to get out of the place I am in. But I have to remember God promises to always be with us.
Joshua 1:9 Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
What powerful words and yet so often forgotten. Always depending on ourselves will only lead to failures which is why we must meditate daily on his Word for the reassurance we need, in order to be prosperous.This is hard to imagine in the midst of the struggles this world brings. We must continuously be reminded and always remember, nothing is to powerful for the Lord, but our own fear and worry reveal the doubts we have.
John 16:33 I have told you these things, so in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but Take Heart! I have OVERCOME the World.
If you are in need of prayer, the prayer request over with Ginger and Charlotte is a great place to go and get some encouragement while these ladies pray for you.

Stylish Blogger Award

2011-01-13T15:59:00.000-05:00

I had originally started this post on Sunday night but the power in our house went out before I could finish. Then the snow/ice storm hit Atlanta and well here I am now. I referred to my special present I received in my last post and since then I received a second one. My first blog award! I am so excited!

The ladies over at these oh so generous and lovely blog's The Hickman Four and Undeserving Grace gave me a sweet surprise. I must say many many thank you's to them both. I am very grateful that you thought of me.I didn't know much about blogging before I started but I am so thankful I did. It's a whole different world and escape for me. I have been inspired by so many.

Rules for accepting this award are:
1. Thank & link back to the person who awarded you this.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pay it forward to 10 recently discovered great bloggers.
4. Contact those bloggers and tell them about their award

Here we go:

#1. I really need to learn that sometimes it is best to just keep my mouth shut (way more often than I do)

#2. I am a total Type A personality; perfectionist, competitive, impatient, high stress, and I tend to like things done my way. If it is not how I want it, then it isn't right. I will redo something a gazillion times until I am finally satisfied.~which I believe will lead to me having many health problems
#3. Which also contributes to my complete indecisiveness
#4. I am very forgetful when it comes to personal tasks that need to be done. You can tell me something and a minute later I forget. I write lots of notes or should write lots of notes at home.
#5. I love Christ and know how much he loves me. I just wish to become more like Christ and disciplining myself to be a better example of Him and what he has done for me.
#6. I still have the same friends since high school, haven't travelled very far. I love them dearly and wish we had more time to spend together.
#7. I wish I would have gotten the chance to travel before I had kids because saying "one day" or "some day" doesn't always mean you will be here to see that "one day." The only guarantee we have is what we have already done.

So, I will now pass my Stylish Blog Award to some very special blogs, not only because you have a stylish blog but because the person behind the blog is undeniably stylish too!
I send this out with love and blessings to:
Love Is Everywhere
Dunlizzie's Corner
Pineapples-n-Pickles
All Work and No Pla Makes Mommy Go Something Something
Splendiferous Girls Club

Freckles and Fudge

For The Love of Blogs

Melody-Mae
Pain To Purpose
The Little Lady

What to say, what to do, and what has already been said

2011-01-09T14:30:00.000-05:00

I was completely surprised and pretty shocked by something I received when I opened my email after I got home from work last night. At 2AM you really don’t think something is going to put a smile on your face, but it DID and I am grateful. Brought joy to my heart, which mostly happens through my girls but unexpectedly I received it tonight/today. More to come later…
Lately I have kind of been in a null on blogging. I usually have a ton of things going through my head that I want to say but recently I felt that maybe I had been throwing a sort of pity party. I don’t feel my posts have been encouraging but more depressing and dull. I don’t want to be the one who harps on the same thing and talks about it over and over. The kind of person you expect what their post will be about because they are all pretty much about the same thing and it doesn’t really interest you anymore. While the reason for starting to blog was about letting my feelings out in hope of self healing. And it has slowly begun to do that and much more. I have talked to many fascinating women whose stories have also inspired me.
In short, and not to drag this post out anymore, because I know a lot of them can be wordy and long(like I said, lots of things going on in my mind).
I have come across some quotes and verses that have given me inspiration and hope this past week. I am reading the last book in the series by Stephen Ministries * the ones the church sends every few months for those who are grieving* The books go in order by what stage you could be at during your first year after your loss. Well, the last book, I don’t even know if you can really call them books because they are very short, is called Rebuilding and Remembering. Since it is coming upon the 1 year anniversary of my brother’s death in a mere 20 days. Here are a few things I read that brought some comfort which could be applied to many situation’s life has handed you.
Tests of faith, perseverance, strength, and wisdom. Things we often need to be reminded of and as hard headed as we are, embedded in our brains daily.
The opening verse is Jeremiah 31:13 “I will turn their mourning into gladness, I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.” And believe me, when you are to the point where you are filled with so many different feelings you want to explode, he is there to calm your soul and give you rest.
Bob Diets in his book Life After Loss “The anniversary date of a loved one’s death is particularly significant. You will have done something you thought was impossible a few months earlier. You will have survived an entire year without someone who was as import to you as life itself.”
Henri Nouwen Heart Speaks to Heart “I trust in you Lord, but keep helping me in my many moments of distrust and doubt.”
Gary Sittser A Grace Disguised “Out of my pain, God became a living reality to me as never before.” I especially like this one! I now know we cannot fully understand how much we need him without coming to a point where you can’t live without him.
“Death changes us, the living. In the presence of death, we become more aware of life…It can inspire us to decide what really matters in life-and then to seek it” Candy Lightner Found of M.A.D.D. Giving Sorrow WordsAbraham Lincoln “The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time.”
There are many others but like I said before, wanted to keep it short. Doesn’t really look like it turned out that way. So even if you don’t have the time to read it all, maybe skim it and pick out the parts that apply to you. These all do not have to be focused on death, they can apply to any life challenge that will change us whether good or bad.

Comment Love Day

2011-01-02T03:04:00.001-05:00

1.) Link Up and Leave a Comment Here Afterwards. If you don't we will delete your link. It's only fair that everyone linking up do this.

2.) Head To The Blog In Front (before) your Comment to leave them a comment on their post. (No Copy and Pastes, Must be something Related to their post) Tell them where your coming from and wish them a good day!

3.) Visit at least 2-3 Other Blogs in the Hop and Do the Same.

4.) Return The Love when you get a chance.

5.) If I find any of you asking for a follow in return, we will remove any comments and links you put on this site. This is not a place where you can go asking people to follow you. It makes people feel uncomfortable and it's not nice. If someone wants to follow you, they will. They will because you were being sincere. This also goes for asking someone to check you out. All you need to do is leave your link after the comment. You don't need to ask or demand things.
Thanks for being here. Jump in and share the love. We like to encourage you to also mention a blog you love in your posts (we like to call them shout outs), it's a great way to get involved, gain friends and readers.

I wanted to show some Love to a special blog and lady over at All work and no play makes Mommy go Something Something. I have found we have so much in common and just love to read her funny, quirky, and put a smile on your face posts. She is a fighter, and an ass kicker! But what a joy she is as a person. Though I have never actually met her, we have shared some special emails. I hope you all will go show her some love and check out her personality. Which ROCKS btw!

With Love,

Learning, enduring, and persevering

2011-01-01T15:08:00.001-05:00

For days I have been contemplating what I want for 2011. I knew that there were several challenges that lay ahead and I could not say that it would be an easy year. Not that an "easy" year even exists, we all have our own set of trials that we must overcome. I just already know a few of mine.There were many difficult things that happened in 2010, things I never saw coming. I had such high hopes for 2010. I just knew it would be the best year yet. Instead in it's first mere month, my life completely changed. Life as I once knew would be replaced by much heartache on January 30th. All of my past struggles seemed to grow faint as I now faced a year that would be filled with tribulation. I have often felt isolated, lonely, sad, hurt, and angered on most days. Life as I had known would take me down a path of uncertainty, confusion, strain, and strife. Although 2010 brought with it unbearable things and life changing events, there are some things that I have learned. Some of them things I never wanted to know and some that brought with it many things I needed to know.
* Life is something not to be taken for granted. In a fraction of a second a life can be taken away.
* I realized that I cannot do it on my OWN, I need HIM with each step I take.
* Knowing who God is and having a relationship with him are two very different things.
* Just because one bad things happens doesn’t mean more bad things won’t occur.
* I have a lot more strength that I ever wanted to know but God showed me in him you will have all the strength you need when you actually need it.
* Tears can be a very healing thing.
* Things of this world are merely “just things.” We will never take them to our true home.
* I never really grasped the effects a loss can have on someone, if someone told me about their loss, I never thought much more about it. I just gave them the “I’m sorry” line.
* Over time, those who you once thought mattered, trickle away and you realize they didn’t.
* There is a hole in my heart and I feel a part of me is gone. But I have also been given some new parts.
* You can hurt the one’s that are closest to you. Taking your pain and anger out on them isn’t really going to help.
*There are so many blessings in life we take for granted.
* God is good.
I am sure there are many more lessons to be taken away from this past year. But that might take up a book. These are just a few that I hope to learn from. I mess up often, taking one step forward and two back. Keeping my eyes on God and fully surrendering to him all of my worries and fears will lead me to who he wants me to be. I hope to find my purpose and how to use some of these things to help others. Taking it one day at a time and most often one step at a time. The only book on how to live your life is found in the Bible. I need to use the tools God has given me to heal, trust him, surrender, maintain faith, grow, become more like him, and not always look at the negative but see the positive which he provides. We all must face our maker and what a glorious day that will be, but we are here for now and must make the best of what we have in living out our temporary life here on Earth.
So my verse for this year, the lesson of trust, surrender, and faith. He has allowed me to make it this far, he will continue to give me perseverance
Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
With Love,

I am NOT in charge...

2010-12-26T00:58:00.000-05:00

I have once again been shown by God how quickly life changes and how I have absolutely no control over my life. He has the steering wheel and though I often do not like where he takes me, he makes me depend on him more and put my life at his feet.
Christmas Day started very early for us. At 2AM we had to make the difficult choice to have to put one of our dogs to sleep. He has been with my husband for 12 years and with me for 8. He is our other dogs best friend and now to hear her whimper breaks my heart. He was a 12 year old boxer and most boxers do not live past 8. He had a good life, he was a great dog, and will be missed dearly. It happened in a matter of a few hours. One day he was good, the next a very sick baby. The decision we made was the best for him because he was in a tremendous amount of pain. But just because we did not want him to go did not mean that God wasn't ready for him to come. I told my husband to tell him when he got to heaven to go find Richard. I have complete confidence that my brother was already waiting for him.
As I was at home waiting for news from my husband as to what was wrong with him, I found myself questioning God. Why would he make our dog sick on Christmas Eve of all days, why would you want me to endure another loss this year, haven't I had enough? I felt so terrible for my husband. I knew the pain of grief and felt his hurt. The loss for me was piled on top of the fact that this was a day I had dreaded most of the year and now I had to bring it in losing another part of my life. I was wrapping gifts, getting the girls stuff together, and complaining to God. Then I heard a preacher that was on the TV say, "God loves you more than you even like yourself." Let me just say how horrible I felt to have been asking God why and telling him how much I didn't really need this right now. God loves us SO much that he sent his one and only Son for us. On the day we celebrate the birth of the one who paid for our sins on the Cross.
I had dreaded this day and I am now sad to see it go. It marks the official first Christmas without my brother. I missed him this morning when he did not walk through my door, I had opened gifts with him for the past 27 years and today I did not.
I did make it through today. I was able to go back to bed, thanks to my husband, after we had Christmas with the girls. I was able to sleep through the time my brother had come to my home for the past 7 years. Always getting there early and just as giddy as a 5 year old.
I think about what Christmas must be like in heaven. I imagine he had the best Christmas yet, spending it with the one who gives us our way to heaven, Jesus Christ.
As the day came to an end and I reflected upon it, 1 Peter 1:6-7 was placed in front of me while I was looking through my Bible.
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
I continue to hold strong in my faith, knowing that these things will not be wasted. I will continue to grow, continue to learn, continue to struggle, continue to hurt, but I have assurance that God is in control and I am not. For he knows the plans he has for us, and those plans are not to bring us harm. There is a reason for every season in life. And though I do not understand I will persevere. For it is He who gives me strength.
With Love,

Making God Smile

2010-12-23T11:17:00.000-05:00

This time of year we praise God for the gift he has given to us in Jesus Christ. While this is the meaning of Christmas and one of our duties as a Christian, we too must remember our part of the plan. We find ways to fulfill our purpose in life in Rick Warren's book, The Purpose Driven Life. The ultimate goal of the universe is to show the glory of God. It is the reason for everything that exists, including you. Romans 11:36 (LB) "For everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power, and everything is for his glory."
Making God smile is the goal of our life. The bible says, "Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it." The life of Noah gives us an example of how to make God smile. The Bible says, "This guy brings me pleasure. He makes me smile. I'll start over with his family."Because Noah brought God pleasure, we are alive today." His life shows us 5 acts of worship that make God smile.
1. God smiles when we love him supremely. Hosea 6:6 " I don't want your sacrifices-I want your love; I don't want your offerings-I want you to know me."
2. God smiles when we trust him completely. "He takes pleasure in those that honor Him; in those who trust in His constant love." Psalm 147:11 (TEV)
3. God smiles when we obey him wholeheartedly. "We please God by what we do and not only by what we believe." James 2:24 (CEV)
4. God smiles when we praise and thank him continually. "The righteous are glad and rejoice in his presence; they are happy and shout for joy." Psalm 68:3 (TEV)
5. God smiles when we use our abilities. "The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives." Psalm 37:23 (NIV)

"The Lord looks down from heaven on all mankind to see if there are any who are wise, who want to please God." Psalm 14:2 (LB)

In his book there is a poem by Russell Kelfer that is fitting for the trials in my life and most likely in yours. Take comfort in knowing these words. "The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us." Romans 12:3
You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're JUST what he wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.
No, the trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!!
With Love and wishing you all a Merry Christmas filled with peace, joy, and love,

2010-12-21T14:22:00.000-05:00

I had been putting off going to my brother’s grave because it often makes me too upset. I wanted to go see the tree my mom had put there and hang the angel ornament I had gotten him and to see the wreath my grandmother had hung on the tree he lays beneath. I decided to stop by before going to work Sunday. I knew I just wanted to sit there on his bench and talk to him for a while. I had so much built up inside me that I wanted to say. There have been so many things take place recently that I just don't understand, and I know God never intended for us to know. But that doesn't make it easier, as humans we are wired to question, inquire, and make decisions based on fact.
As I sat there talking to him with the cold wind hitting my face I stopped and I heard these words,“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10. It was what I needed to hear, not my own voice telling me what to do, how to do it, or what I needed to do more of. All of my self doubting, criticizing, and the pity I had been dwelling on were made weak in my mind. All along I just needed to stop, be quiet, be still, knowing that he is God. He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.” Silence is medication for sorrow. ~Arab Proverb
You can hear the footsteps of God when silence reigns in the mind. ~Sri Sathya Sai Baba
With the busyness and hectic lives we lead today, we often forget to just stop and listen, ask for his help, and seek him to find peace when we just don't get it.

Failures as a Mom

2010-12-17T22:15:00.000-05:00

Naturally as moms we often wonder if what we are doing is enough, are we doing the right things, do we teach them enough, are we teaching them right from wrong, teaching them how to be kind, generous, giving, a good friend and thousands of other questions we ponder daily.
Lately, I feel like I have failed in many of these areas. I get easily agitated, aggrevated, lose patience, get mad, and say or do things I wish I could take back. I feel like I have failed at being a mom, failed at being a good role model, and failed in passing the test.
With all our hearts we want to make our kids happy, please them, do things you know they would love. Today, we took our girls to ride The Macy's Pink Pig at Lenox. This was right after the school Christmas party this morning that I struggled to get to. I had gotten 3 hours of sleep and was irritated at myself for not being able to go to sleep earlier, for not having the kids gifts done, and the teacher's gifts finished. So at 7am I am trying to get an impossible almost 5 yr old dressed b/c of outfit malfunctions such as the socks not fitting right, the pants aren't how she likes them, etc. We have the same battle almost daily in regards to how her clothing feels, fits, or she all of a sudden doesn't like it. My husband tried to help but she refused his offerings as well. He tries to help me with the gifts and I am grumpy and mad at myself. I can only partially blame myself for the lack of sleep b/c I did work until 1am and do not get home and then ready for bed until 2am. But I was unable to sleep, maybe I should have tried harder before I got up to vent on my blog.
On our way there I get complaints of potty breaks needed, a 2 yr old who keeps saying "hungry" but refuses everything I try to give her, cries, whines, etc. All before the interstate. I am frustrated and I get frustrated at them.
At the mall, one incident of wanting a cookie but not wanting to take the elevator to get there so she starts whining, I use the if you are going to whine you don't get a cookie but that ends up in the outcome of getting a cookie due to looks of bad mommy from my husband. We get the cookie and of course a NEEDED drink. Then she has to go to the restroom, my husband goes onto the car with our 2 yr old. At the restroom, she refuses to use it and wants to use the portable potty in the car. This is an often scenario we face on a regular basis. She will NOT use a potty that flushes itself and in this case the bathroom was too loud. We leave, get to car, potty, and are on our way. Then the "Are we there yet, I want to be home begins." Followed by another MUST have potty break right as my friend calls (the one person who has called me all week b/c I rarely get to use the phone) so I have to let her go, we pull over, use the portable potty (which ended up in much frustrated being taken out on her by me). Seconds later complaints of being hungry begin from both of them. I start self criticizing myself, wondering why I get so frustrated, aggrevated and then regret my actions. I have failed as a mother. My one day off with them in a 9 day stretch and I have spent it completely annoyed and flustered at every request. Why do I feel like a complete failure, everything I try to do ends up being the wrong response. I try to warn my oldest that if she keeps whining she will go to her room when she gets home. This only incurs further whining from her and screams from the other one. Did I do this to them? Have I allowed them to be fulfilled at every request that they can't wait, everything has to be RIGHT then? Failure sets in.
The whole time my husband is listening to his Ipod like the world is oblivious to him. I get aggitated at that too. I get further annoyed as the seconds continue and we have to make one other stop at the grocery store b/c we HAVE to have bakery cinnamon rolls for breakfast or another conflict will take place. My husband decides he would go in and thankfully hands me the Ipod. Heaven, I crank up Snoop Dog and reminice on my younger days of worries filled with boys, homework, and friends. Remembering the nights my best friend and I would drive around in my Camaro singing outloud to good old Snoop. I am now sitting in a car listening to two kids whining, wondering what went wrong. How did I end up a failure as a mom?
Now we are going on 45 minutes of the constant "I'm hungry" cries. My husband, of course, tries to diffuse the situation by trying to play games, be funny, sing songs, etc. I wonder why can't I do that? Why do I instantly get so irritated and give up going straight to threats? Failure sets in.
Kuddos to the moms who handle more than 2 b/c I think I would have to check myself into a mental facility just to get peace.

Weekend Mingling

2010-12-17T03:18:00.005-05:00

Trying to understand harsh words...

2010-12-17T03:14:00.000-05:00

I have had such a heavy heart today that I felt the need to write about it in hopes to come to some sort of enlightenment or acceptance maybe about recent events. I am a very quick tempered person. I have improved tremendously and think that I have done very well in a lot of situations lately where I could easily find myself wasting anger or hoarding anger towards something/someone. It has, like most things, been picking at my brain and it just won't stop. And I just cannot bring myself to draw any type of normal conclusion to a situation (well, the lack of knowing the situation even existed in the first place), where someone would go and make such harsh accusations with no knowledge of the actual truth. This makes me even more irritated in that it is so openly directed towards my family. At a time when selfishness and narcissistic behavior, you may call it, should NOT even be a part of an event so devastating to my family. The actual audacity to make a statement that would even come close to acknowledging that ANYONE should be grieving more than another. A mother who gave birth to her son, a father who taught him, a sister who worried and wanted to always protect her little brother, leaving behind a younger brother, too young to understand, yet only knowing that he has lost the person he wanted to be, his identity of a brother taken from him only to be left with a sister who doesn't understand "guy things." And the actual fact that you would leave such a statement so clearly written, visible. for all of us to see. That my husband would have to sneak to go get it before I would find it. I can understand that he may have been your whole world for the past few years that you knew him. But he was our world for 27. No, we didn't know his secrets or inner most thoughts the last years of his life. But who tells that to your sister or parents when you are 27. Especially a sister who was constantly nagging you b/c she knew you better than the way you had changed . There is no need to explain the relationship, bonds, and memories a family holds. Each of our pain is different and I cannot discredit nor dimish anyone's feelings. I can only take from it the hurt, the stab at aching hearts, and the scars from someone I never discredited as a person. Always recognizing and never judging, someone I never meant to hurt but has hurt me. As I have tried to make sense of it and ponder the reasons I do see a small amount of confusion that may have been taking place. But instead of a simple inquisition, harsh words were replaced. Another lesson of things I will never understand, a "why" question.
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
So I will rid myself of anger, take note of what has already been done, and move ahead in the truths as I know them to be.

Call your sibling today...Sibling grief

2010-12-14T13:49:00.001-05:00

Siblings Walking Together

(Formerly The Sibling Credo)
We are the surviving siblings of The Compassionate Friends.
We are brought together by the deaths of our brothers and sisters.
Open your hearts to us, but have patience with us.
Sometimes we will need the support of our friends.
At other times we need our families to be there.
Sometimes we must walk alone, taking our memories with us,
continuing to become the individuals we want to be.
We cannot be our dead brother or sister;
however, a special part of them lives on with us.
When our brothers and sisters died, our lives changed.
We are living a life very different from what we envisioned,
and we feel the responsibility to be strong even when we feel weak.
Yet we can go on because we understand better than many others
the value of family and the precious gift of life.
Our goal is not to be the forgotten mourners that we sometimes are,
but to walk together to face our tomorrows as surviving siblings of The Compassionate Friends.

Written on the Compassionate Friends website
I have posted below some information from Compassionate Friends about adult grief when a sibling dies.I have highlighted the one's that have affected me the most. As the holidays approach the days get harder and harder. I have to continue on my walk with Christ, focusing each day on him and the strength he gives me. In talking or reading about others who have had the same loss I know there will not be a day that I won't think of him. But God will heal the wound slowly and lessen the pain. Psalms 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.

I want to remember him, I want to help out others who endure the same loss, I want everyone to know that without Christ you will never survive it. You will crumble and fall into a trapped closet with a locked door and the keys thrown away. You won't escape. Until you accept God's hands reaching out for you, accepting Him into your life, knowing that he is our Savior, he is the source for our daily lives, and surrendering it all to Him. Only then will the darkness fade away as you start to see the light shine through a little bit at a time. Psalm 18:28 For thou wilt light my candle; the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness.

When a sibling dies, the world changes in a heartbeat.
Each family has its own special history and the shared bonds that are a part of that history. When a sibling dies, the bonds are shattered, and the history forever has a void that cannot be filled.

As they grow, children develop certain characteristics and talents. Brothers and sisters tend to complement each other by developing a balance of interests in different areas. However, surviving siblings will need to redefine their roles in the absence of this relationship.
When your parents die, it is said you lose your past; when your spouse dies, you lose your present; and when your child dies, you lose your future. However, when your sibling dies, you lose a part of your past, your present, and your future.

•Survivor guilt is normal. Siblings usually have a relationship where they seek to protect each other. Despite the physical distance that may separate them as adults, this need to have provided protection weighs heavily in the aftermath of the loss.

•Guilt about how the relationship was maintained is common. So often as adults, the sibling relationship has changed from younger years.. Each travels a separate path, and sometimes communication is lacking and ambivalent feelings about maintaining the relationship surface. No matter how good a relationship may have been, the survivor often believes it should have been better, causing guilt.
•Surviving siblings may find positive changes within their lives. These may include greater emotional strength, increased independence, and a soul-searching reexamination of religious beliefs. Some survivors feel the need to make a change in their life’s work, such as becoming a therapist, or working to effect a change in the area that took the life of the sibling.
•Even when a sibling has died, a connection still remains. Surviving brothers and sisters think about them; talk about them; remember them at special times such as birthdays, holidays, and death dates; and may create a memorial of some type. This connection with the sibling who died does not have to be given up to move forward in life.
Siblings may be ambivalent about their relationships in life, but in death the power of their bond strangles the surviving heart. Death reminds us that we are part of the same river, the same flow from the same source, rushing towards the same destiny. Were you close? Yes, but we didn’t know it then.
Barbara Ascher
Landscape Without Gravity
With Love,

Tasting nothing, coffee, to the top, and PINT 4 today

2010-12-14T11:42:00.000-05:00

Go over and check out the hop at To The Top hosted by One Little Mister and Frugal Plus

Since I don't really cook or have any creative or fabulous recipes like everyone else, I need coffee! Lots and lots of coffee! And some Dayquil and Nyquil on the side. I started my new position at my work yesterday and am now working until 1AM, so yes, coffee is a necessity. I am usually up until 1 anyway but being at work until 1 is completely different. By the time I get home and in bed it's 2AM. And to top it all off, my very first day I am sick. The kind of sick where I went through a whole box of Kleenex blowing my nose, red faced, red eyes, a head that feels like it's going to explode and a congested chest. Really great first impression as a supervisor. There was no way I could have even talked to a customer I sounded so terrible. And today, not any better. I had the whole place staring at me, not only because I am their new supervisor but because I was obnoxiously blow my nose and sniffling the ENTIRE night!!! I was so embarassed, so today my tasy treats will be plenty of Dayquil, coffee, and maybe a bit of food on the side. Happy Tuesday!!

With Love,

Twenty Quotes About Murder

2010-12-13T08:08:00.000-05:00

This isn't a very happy post but I wanted to share it with a few of my family so I am posting it here. I believe it is very important because of the high crime rate of killers. I NEVER thought my brother would be murdered but sometimes nightmares come true. Your life can be turned around in a second, literally, you never know where a perpetrator may be lingering so we must be aware of our surroundings at all times. We must be aware for our children especially because of all the evil and petifiles being left out on the streets. Just read the article and make yourself a little familiar.
I got this article from Kidnapping, Murder, and Mayhem. It is a blog by writer Robert A. Waters who follows unsolved cases, modern and historial crimes. We can never have too much information when it comes to the protection of our loved ones. Crime is more prevelant around holidays and with the economic downturn. Make sure we are attentive. There are some great scriptures in here too. I have highlighted those that mean the most to me.

Murder quotesCompiled by Robert A. Waters

"There's the scarlet thread of murder running through the colorless skein of life, and our duty is to unravel it, and isolate it, and expose every inch of it." Sir Arthur Conan Doyle from the Sherlock Holmes book, A Study in Scarlet.

"There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy." Ambrose Bierce, Writer.

"Civilizations die from suicide, not by murder." Arnold J. Toynbee, Historian.

"What the detective story is about is not murder but the restoration of order." P. D. James, Author.

"I didn’t want to harm the man. I thought he was a very nice gentleman. Soft-spoken. I thought so right up to the moment I cut his throat." Perry Smith, as quoted by Truman Capote in the classic true crime book, In Cold Blood.

"Deliver me from the workers of iniquity, and save me from bloody men." Psalm 59:1-3, New King James version.
"You feel the last bit of breath leaving their body. You're looking into their eyes. A person in that situation is God!" Ted Bundy, serial killer.
"The boys with their feet on the desks know that the easiest murder case in the world to break is the one somebody tried to get very cute with; the one that really bothers them is the murder somebody only thought of two minutes before he pulled it off." Raymond Chandler, Author.
"It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain, but, once conceived, it haunted me day and night." Edgar Allan Poe, from "The Tell-Tale Heart."

"These concerns (for orphan children in India and elsewhere in the world) are very good, but often these same people are not concerned with the millions that are killed by the deliberate decision of their own mothers..." Mother Teresa (1910-1997).

"I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?" Clint Eastwood, in the movie Dirty Harry.

"Political language...is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind." George Orwell, Author.

"You shall not murder." Deuteronomy 5:17, New King James version.
"The very emphasis of the commandment: Thou shalt not kill, makes it certain that we are descended from an endlessly long chain of generations of murderers, whose love of murder was in their blood as it is perhaps also in ours." Sigmund Freud, Psychoanalyst.

"I never killed a man who didn't need it." Clay Allison, western outlaw.

"Unnatural death always provoked a peculiar unease, an uncomfortable realization that there were still some things that might not be susceptible to bureaucratic control." P.D. James.

"You know, everybody uses this word [closure] and banters it around...I don't have any closure and most parents of murdered children or crime victims don't really have closure because your life is changed forever by that event." John Walsh, whose son Adam was kidnapped and murdered.
"There is a legitimate argument over whether the death penalty effectively deters violent crime, although my personal observation is that not one of the criminals who have been executed over the years has ever killed again." Dinesh D'Souza, Author.

"I can't express the feeling. I felt so much better. I'm so glad Florida has the guts to keep the electric chair. At least there was a split second of pain. With lethal injection, you just go to sleep." Raymond Neal, brother of murder victim Ramona Neal, after serial murderer Gerald Stano was executed for her slaying.

"There is a generation that curses its father, And does not bless its mother. There is a generation that is pure in its own eyes, Yet is not washed from its filthiness. There is a generation--oh, how lofty are their eyes! And their eyelids are lifted up. There is a generation whose teeth are like swords, And whose fangs are like knives..." Proverbs 30: 11-14, New King James version.
With all my love and blessings to you all on this Monday!

Welcome to Monday

2010-12-12T21:00:00.003-05:00

Comment Issues

2010-12-12T20:06:00.000-05:00

So apparentally my comment section decided to go on hiatus and leave my blog. Sorry if you wanted to comment or if you were a new follower. I have fixed it and you should be able to comment now.

Worldwide Candle Lighting

2010-12-12T08:47:00.000-05:00

Don't forget the candle lighting done through Compassionate Friends. You can simply light a candle in your home and say a prayer for those who were taken from us far too soon. The worldwide lighting takes place at 7pm. Here is the link to the Remembrance Book if you would like to read it. Very heart wrenching.
With Love on this day as we remember,

It's Officially HER Day!

2010-12-12T00:32:00.001-05:00

ZOE
Name pronunciation: ZOH-ee

Origin of name: Greek
Meaning of name: Life, abundant life
The Story Behind This Historical Christian Name
There are several notable historical Christian women who had the name Zoe, including two empresses in the Byzantine empire and St. Zoe, a Roman noblewoman martyred for her faith during Emperor Diocletian’s persecution of the Christian church.
Scriptures for the Girl Name Zoe
Note the word “life” in each of these scriptures (partial list, not all instances in the New Testament) — that is the Greek word “Zoe”:
Matthew 19:29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife[a] or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.

John 1:4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.

John 3:15-16 that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.”

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 4:14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in[a] Christ Jesus our Lord.

Colossians 3:4 When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

James 1:12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
1 John 2:25 And this is what he promised us—eternal life.

1 John 5:11-12 And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. 12 Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.
Christian Meaning of Names

Happy 2nd Birthday to my joyful, life filled child. You bring me constant joy, relief from my pain, a smile to always put on my face, big hugs and kisses, sweetness, often times a close heart attack, and an absolute life. You made our family complete.
I did not know Zoe was in the Bible nor did I know what the meaning of your name was. I read a little about it when it came up in Max Lucado's book John 3:16, so tonight I thought I would google the meaning and the above is just what I found. Now, I know that it truly is a perfect description of my Zoe. Full of LIFE! I love you baby girl...forever and ever.

NOW

THEN

Writing Workshop-Enchanted

2010-12-11T18:50:00.000-05:00

A love story comes to mind when I first think of enchanted. A magical love story filled with romance and beauty. Think Cinderella with castles, carriages, and princes. Where the prince comes in and saves the damsel in distress.

Aren’t we all damsels in distress? Don’t we all want a magical, enchanting life, filled with joy and happiness, having no struggles, trials, or insecurities? Don’t we all want a Savior to come in and rescue us? One who will make everything right, take care of us, watch over us, and fulfill our needs. Who will be there even when we mess up, are on the verge of destruction, not able to handle it, or feeling lost and confused. If we seek, we shall find this kind of enchanted love story.
Our love story has already begun, long before we even knew it. In our mother’s womb, he set his eyes on us. God’s love for us is more than we could ever get even a glimpse of in our mortal lives. There are many words in the Bible that express God’s love; divine, pure, unconditional, and forgiving, never changing, unfailing, never ending, and the list can go on and on.
Love is defined in Wikipedia as an intense feeling of affection. God’s love is more than a feeling, it is Him. He is love. God is love. 1 John 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
Our prince has already come to heal us, bind up our wounds, forgive us, fulfill our needs, give us hope for the future, strength, comfort, peace, a shoulder to lean on, a friend, a confidant, give us mercy, grace, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self control? This only names a few of the riches in God. God defined love in
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
That is enchanted.

Weekend Hopping

2010-12-10T23:29:00.007-05:00

Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting

2010-12-10T19:42:00.000-05:00

I wanted to write a post strictly about the Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting. It is this Sunday, December 12th at 7PM. You can do this from your home and just say a prayer for a friend, family, or even someone you have lost. The power of prayer for those who need comforting is amazing. So let's remember those we have lost and the families left to grieve by lighting a candle in remembrance.
I have created an event for this on Facebook so you can comment on someone you know or that you are lighting the candle for. You can put something about that person, why they were special, or any information you would like to share about them. The link is http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=183074995041113&num_event_invites=0#!/event.php?eid=183074995041113&index=1
This is a video from the 2009 Candle Lighting.

From Compassionate Friends Website:
Excitement has been building as the fourteenth Worldwide Candle Lighting December 12, 2010 approaches. The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, creating a virtual wave of light, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memory of children in a way that transcends all ethnic, cultural, religious, and political boundaries.

Now believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, the Worldwide Candle Lighting, a gift to the bereavement community from The Compassionate Friends, creates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone. Hundreds of formal candle lighting events are held and thousands of informal candle lightings are conducted in homes as families gather in quiet remembrance of children who have died, but will never be forgotten. The Worldwide Candle Lighting started in the United States in 1997 as a small Internet observance but has since swelled in numbers as word has spread throughout the world of the remembrance.
In 2009, information was submitted to TCF's national website on services in 15 countries outside the United States. In total, we received nearly 530 services. TCF has been joined in recent years by chapters of several organizations including MISS, MADD, Parents of Murdered Children, SIDS Network, Gilda's Club, and BPUSA and services were held in all 50 states plus Washington D.C. and Puerto Rico. There is no way to know how many hundreds of additional services were held in the U.S. and around the world without the information being to us.
The Compassionate Friends and allied organizations were joined in 2009 by local bereavement groups, churches, funeral homes, hospitals, hospices, children's gardens, schools, cemeteries, and community centers. Services have ranged in size from just a few people to nearly a thousand.
You are also invited to post a message in the Remembrance Book which will be available during the event at TCF's national website. Last year in that short one day span, thousands of messages were received and posted from every U.S. state and Washington D.C., every territory, as well as dozens of other countries, some in foreign languages. The Remembrance Book will remain accessible to read until the 2011 Worldwide Candle Lighting.
Here in the United States, publicity about the event is widespread, being featured over the years in Dear Abby, Annie's Mailbox, Ann Landers column, Parade Magazine, Guideposts magazine, and literally hundreds of U.S. newspapers, dozens of television stations, and numerous websites and hundreds of personal blogs. Information on the Worldwide Candle Lighting and planned memorial candle lighting services (of which we are advised) is posted on TCF's national website every year as the event nears.
If no Worldwide Candle Lighting service was held near you in 2009, please feel free to plan one open to the public this year. You are welcome to use TCF's "Suggestions to Help Plan a Memorial Service in Conjunction with The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting©" to help in planning the service. All allied bereavement organizations, churches, funeral homes, hospices and formal and informal bereavement groups are invited to join in the remembrance. Don't forget to return to this site later this year before the Worldwide Candle Lighting and submit the event information form so TCF can list your service with the many hundreds held in the United States and around the world. The Worldwide Candle Lighting gives bereaved families everywhere the opportunity to remember their child . . . that their light may always shine!
With Love,

Whatever you want to call it today

2010-12-09T23:46:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted in a few days but I have been trying to stay off the computer this week, focusing a little more on my family and husband. After all they are the most important and sometimes get put on the backburner for a world of blogging where I feel like I have an escape from reality and a place to share my thoughts which have helped me during this time of my life. A few things have gone on this week and I just wanted to share some thoughts/ramblings/or whatever you want to call it.
I have still been reading Luke for the 24 days of Rediscovering Christmas Bible Challenge, I read chapter 9 today and have found some interesting verses in Luke that I wanted to share. Luke 9:23 "Then He said to them all. 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'" This verse has to be speaking to me. It was in the Bible Challenge, in my daily devotion verse list, and in our Marriage Mentoring chapter for this week. My daily devotion and the Marriage Mentoring verse happened on the same day! I am thinking major God moment here! What is Christ trying to tell me? I need to do away with a worldy view of God and begin a more Biblical view. Do I really know how to die to self? I think this is the hardest part of being a Christian. We must learn his Word to fully live a Christian life. Rid ourselves of selfishness. Embrace our new identity that we have been unconditionally accepted into the family of God. Neither performance nor out of deservance have we become into the family of God. The only reason is because Jesus Christ died for you, for me. 2 Corinthians 5:21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. What does the person who has really given up self and taken up the cross look like? Does someone who has these qualities come to mind when you think of dying to self. I mean, we have been taught since birth to look out for ouselves because no one else will. We have been taught self esteem, self worth, it's all about "me" attitude's. When reality is through Christ we will have those things. We must be more concerned with our heavenly life than our worldy life.
John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. What a concept, we can do nothing without Christ. Then what about me? Don't I matter? Of course you do, but you can only have life with Christ because without him, you are nothing. Something to ponder this Holiday Season, what do we want to look like to others in the New Year and throughout the hustle and bustle of shopping, parties, etc. Is that what God wants us to remember about this season, forgetting to give thanks to the one who took our sins and have washed ours clean? Or would we rather take a worldy view? Don't get me wrong, I will buy my babies gifts and join in on the singing, praise, and decorations but it all has to be with the intention of serving Christ and knowing what he is our redeemer. The way, the truth, and the life.
That post ended up longer than expected so I will leave you with a few quotes I found that I thought were worth sharing. Oh and BTW, the tree got decorated with much help from my sweet Ava, who will be 5 in January. My husband who has gone above and beyond to make this holiday as good as it can be. From decorations to the cards. I did design them but him and Ava really did the rest. She is such a great helper! And decorating the tree got me a little more into the Spirit and reminded me what this season really is about. Not about me, but about Him. Sure it will be hard and difficult but I can do it through Jesus Christ who gives me my daily strength.
Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves. ~Eric Sevareid

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air. ~W.T. Ellis

Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish. Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself. ~Francis C. Farley

Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts. ~Janice Maeditere

When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness. ~Bob Hope

The List turned out longer than I thought. Oops another long post but I will leave you with just one that I hope you all instill and blessed beyond measure.

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,

The gladness of Christmas give you hope,

The warmth of Christmas grant you love.

~Author Unknown

I have also been doing really good with the Elf on the Shelf. Usually I forget to move him, but I know it's just been a few weeks but hope to keep it up!

And a side note, I was looking for a Christmas picture to post and it took pages to find one that revolved around Christ instead of Santa, Frosty, the Christmas tree or presents. I have finally found one though. Enjoy! For Christmas is a beautiful thing.

And December 12th is the Worldwide Compassionate Friends Candle Lighting http://www.compassionatefriends.org/, so light a candle in remembrance of a child who has died. Whether young or old, they are always someone's child. I have a candle in every window, not only for my brother, but for all those who we must remember. So, I know that candles in the windows are a little outdated but can't we choose one act of service and remember all who have been sent to their heavenly homes. I hope you do the same as well. Really, the candles have come a long way and actually look pretty cool!

Grab a candle 7pm Sunday and say a prayer for the families who have lost a loved one or for yourself if you have been faced with the difficult situation of the loss of your loved one.
And I didn't proof read this so there are probably mistakes but it is late and I am tired, I go back to work tomorrow! YAY me......

Go over to Ginger and Charlotte's blog Spiritual Sundays to link up and read some amazing and inspirational blogs!

With Love,

Making new peeps

2010-12-05T20:32:00.005-05:00

Memories, great song, and Day 13 BC

2010-12-05T16:55:00.000-05:00

DAY 13 FAVORITE CHRISTMAS COOKIE

I don't have a recipe for cookie's but every year Ava and I make sugar cookies, not from scratch or anything from the store bought dough. It is a tradition I will cherish and can't wait until Zoe is old enough to help out, well, on second thought, maybe I should wait. She's a little crazy and could quite possibly be the one that has dough on the ceiling!! But I sure do love my little Zo Bug!

MEMORIES

Richard and I at my Wedding 5/22/2004. He kept asking the photographer to make sure he got a picture of us. You know with all the chaos in taking pictures, etc. I am so glad he made sure we got one of just us. I will always remember treasure this photo.

RICHARD L. SAYLORS II

APRIL 14, 1982 - JAN. 30, 2010

YOU WILL BE MISSED THIS CHRISTMAS BROTHER, I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!

His last Christmas Day 2009 at my house. He came every Christmas and he will surely be missed this year. Listen to the song below, it is new by Lady Antebellum and I just love it, even though I cry every time I hear it. It is my little girls whom brighten my day and make this world a much better place.

He's Got The Whole World In His Hands

2010-12-04T15:01:00.000-05:00

I came across the article below called "Missing Pieces," on my 5 minute faith for mom’s devotional. I connected with it so well, especially during this holiday season. It seems I have been having the “Holiday Blues.” I can’t really get into the Spirit of Christmas and all the decorating and shopping. I find myself envious and filled with anger for those who are so happy it is Christmas. I look at the joy in my girls and want to so badly to feel joyful for them. I am faking it and just going through the motions. I am excited for our tree to come but not excited about decorating it. I keep hoping to get out of this funk soon. Maybe when I do decorate the tree I will feel more into the season. I know it is about thanks for the birth of Jesus and I am truly thankful. But the sadness I feel is followed by a year full of pain, makes it hard to see past the darkness into the light.

I feel the missing pieces of my life have been thrown away. The loss of my brother that I now feel a part of me is gone, my husband’s job loss, my fears for the future, and the longing I have to fix things and make it “normal” again. I want those pieces back so badly that I keep holding on to them and thinking the missing ones will come back. I try to stay steadfast in all that I do. Continuing to read scripture, look to the Lord, and pray for hope, comfort, and peace. I know the things that lay ahead are going to be tough so I will continue to pray. Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. And I will know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Luke Chapter 4 which is my Rediscovering Christmas Bible Challenge over at Welcome to Our Wonderland

I learned that Jesus will restore and make new again what has been damaged. He resisted the devils temptations, cured those with demons, healed the sick, and made it known that he was here to proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God. If only we could drive out temptations, resist the devil, and overcome the sins that plague our lives. But one thing is for certain, God will heal your pain and cast out the demons that haunt you, he will make you well again; we just have to trust, have faith, and continue to surrender. Who else can you trust besides the one that has the whole world in his hands?

That is my daughter Ava’s favorite song; she likes to hear that God has Ava in his hands. And my goodness, he surely does.

Missing Pieces
Written on December 3, 2010 by Rachel in Blog, Devotional, Rachel
Yesterday, I did the unthinkable. Well, at least for me, the mom who likes everything organized and tidy. While cleaning my laundry storage shelves, I grabbed the bag of mismatched puzzles, put together the puzzles with all the pieces, and then THREW AWAY THE LEFT-OVER PUZZLE PIECES. I had been holding onto these pieces for years…hoping that the missing piece would show up…afraid that if I threw away the puzzle then I would find the piece. So there they sat – lone pieces, taking up space.
Throwing away those pieces was freeing. As soon as I began, I wondered why it took me so long to let them go. Why had I held on to them for three years?
Life, especially our past, are like those pieces. How many years do we cling to bitterness, grief, or anger? We grip those pieces of our puzzles, hoping for that last piece – the one that would explain why something happened, or the one that would justify our feelings. We look and look, and through not letting go those missing puzzle pieces color today.
In this earthly life sometimes the pieces won’t be revealed. We won’t know how everything fits together. Yet someone knows — our heavenly Father. He knows how all the pieces intersect. He’s holds the “box”, the big picture of our lives.
There are times where the puzzles of the past need to be let go and released to the Father. In that letting go, the seeds of hope can begin to grow. In those moments the hope is not in what is seen….or remembered….or learned….but is in a present, a future in Christ.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)
What puzzle pieces are you clinging to today? Are there some pieces that you need to just let go? Our Father in heaven is so good. When the past is released, He fills that gap with joy, hope, and peace. My future is in Him, your future is in Him — In Christ. Not on yesterday’s worn pieces.

Rachel Martin is a wife to a fabulous cancer-surviving husband, and a homeschooling mother to seven amazing children. Her days are filled with diaper changes to algebra to helping run a local home school association. Her blog Finding Joy chronicles her journey of faith, daily life with seven children, and the humor of every day. She strives to be real, raw, funny, and encouraging -- make sure to visit her blog or follow her on facebook.

Weekend Hopping and Day 12 Christmas BC

2010-12-04T13:32:00.002-05:00

DAY 12: SHOW US YOUR DECORATIONS

Since I only have a few things up, I can’t really show any decorations. However, I do have an exciting Christmas Tree coming! Peter and Linda, our marriage mentors receive a tree every year from Linda’s uncle in Minnesota who has a Christmas Tree Farm. They are expecting it to arrive this week and are giving it to us b/c they won’t be able to use it this year. I am so excited and can’t wait to see it. So pictures to come soon!!

Writer's Workshop

2010-12-03T18:35:00.004-05:00

If you could relive any moment in your life what moment would you choose?

It’s easy to remember the moment I would relive. It sticks out like a sore thumb in my mind. I would choose to relive the last time I saw my brother alive. It was exactly 6 days prior to his murder. We went out to eat with my husband, my two girls, my youngest brother and our parents. We went to the Japanese restaurant which I absolutely love. I didn’t sit by him and looking back I wish I could have cherished every moment of that night. I remember him catching one of the pieces of chicken they fly at your mouth. He was mad that we were late getting there. But I was having my oldest daughter’s 4^th birthday party and he hadn’t come. I was hurt because he didn’t show up for it. I couldn’t stay mad at him long, we never did. Even in our biggest fights, we had an understanding of each other and never expected an apology. We still fought like brother and sister, even as adults. But I wanted him to be someone he wasn’t. And I beat myself up about getting onto him so much. But I know I have to let that go. God’s plan is far different than ours and I have learned that making plans or trying to make things a certain way won’t work out, they usually never do. We can’t control our destinies, only God has our plans drawn out for us. And for us to have any peace we must fully surrender it to God. Otherwise, you will end up with many disappointments. Reliving life’s moments are impossible so we have to learn to treasure each and every one of them. Even our worst days, bad days, struggles, and trials, they will all be treasured by someone when you are gone. We have to learn not to sweat the small stuff, easier said than done. I know how valuable life can be and how fast things can change and still I find myself taking things for granted. It takes a lot of practice to undo bad habits.
I am forever grateful that my children and I did get to see him so soon before he was taken. And got to give him one last hug, kiss, and goodbye; if only I knew it would be his last…until I make my way to him.
Heather

Day 9, 10, 11 of Christmas Challenge

2010-12-03T18:21:00.001-05:00

Day 9: Favorite Holiday recipe

Apple Toffee Dip

1 8oz package of cream cheese

½ cup brown sugar

¼ cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1 bag of Heath toffee pieces

Mix cream cheese. Brown sugar, sugar, and vanilla together

Put in microwave until warm and soft

Serve with apples

SO Yummy!!!

Day 10: Favorite Christmas Songs/Carole's

O Holy Night

Chesnuts Roasting on an Open Fire

Jingle Bells

Frost the Snowman

It’s Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas

Day 11: New Year’s Resolutions

Grow in my relationship with Christ

Have a once a month date night with my husband-

(it is always a big joke with us that we only get to go out once a year on our anniversary) we need to make more of an effort to get a babysitter to watch our kids for us

Learn to sew-I have done a little this year but I want to learn how to make so many things

I want to be a better example of Christ for my girls

Find a place to volunteer and serve

I have so many things I want to do it would be a book so those are just a few!

Rediscovering Christmas BC

2010-12-03T00:21:00.001-05:00

I also am very proud of myself for reading daily out of Luke for this challenge! I have also gotten some of my other devotions in too! I have read ch. 1 and 2 each day and hope to continue for the full 24 days! I haven't written any posts about it yet but I have been short on time. I just wanted to share it with you in case you want to head over there and join in on this wonderful challenge these ladies are doing!
So a few words from Luke 2 that I have found very interesting. When our children are born we think they are the cutest and smartest babies! It amazes me that they knew Jesus was a very special baby sent from God, All of these people had the knowledge and had so much faith in God and his Word that they truly believed what was told of baby Jesus.
I can't imagine how proud Mary must have been of her child. Growing up so smart and full of wisdom, knowledge and a gift of discipleship, full of the grace of God. She is probably the only mom ever on this Earth who truly had the "Smartest Fifth Grader!" In all seriousness, this is a powerfull message of faith in God because of what Mary and Joseph followed for God and to take care of the Savior of the World!
When we lose our kids we freak out and go nuts, panick takes over us, we start sweating, and shouting their names. Every bad thought possible flashes through your head. This happened to me the other day in Target when my almost 2 yr old took off and she is fast so I couldn't catch her meandering through the clothes. I was scared and frightened while calling her name. When she appeared the relief that came over me settled my soul. Can you imagine leaving your child and traveling for a whole day until you realized he wasn't with you? I am sure Mary was sweating, frightened, scared and had many doubts of uncertainty as she travelled back to Jerusalem. Only to find her son preaching in a temple. Safe and doing what he was called here to fulfill. Of course, Mary and Joseph did not understand but soon enough they would know the full meaning behind the child birthed in a manger one night.

I also had to add my blog hops for this weekend.

With Love,

Christmas Poem for my mom, grief for siblings, and a great website

2010-12-03T00:06:00.002-05:00

This poem is for my mother because I know this is how she has been feeling lately. I love you mom and I hope you will relate with others who have felt the same pain.

~Christmas Without You~

It's going to be a sad Christmas this year

without your laughter & without your cheer.

I'll miss the sight of you with your Santa's hat,

and the smile you shared from where you sat.

I'll think about all the Christmas's in the past,

and hold to the memories that slipped so fast.

For they're all I have left to remember,

on this sad Christmas morning in December.

I'll think about you and cherish each though;

I'll think of your smile & the happiness it brought.

And as I listen to the church bells ring, your voice will echo as the choirs sing.

I can never tell you, my love, how sad it will be

to spend Christmas without you here with me.

I just wish you'd touch my heart in such a way,

that I could live through the pain of Christmas Day.

And, help me to remember that your love

is still sent to me from the Heavens above.

And although you won't decorate my Christmas tree,

Your spirit will light the lights for me to see.

Oh, I'll hear your voice in each Christmas song.

I'll see your face in each child that comes along.

And although my heart will be broken and torn...

I'll know you're with Jesus on this Christmas morn.

No, Christmas won't be the same without your smiling face

but I'll know you're in a much better place.

I'll think of my precious child in everything I do...

Cause, it just won't be "Christmas Without You!"

Written by Kaye Des'Ormeaux

Copyright 1998 Kaye Des'Ormeaux
Dedicated to Karen in memory of Jamie
http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/Garden/4922/
~reprinted with permission
Halo Garden
<><><><><>This is a beautiful sight to go to if you have lost a loved one. The poetry is amazing, the butterfly garden, and resources are helpful, especially through this time of year.

Created for bereaved parents who are grieving the loss of a child. Butterfly dedications, child memorial website links, ADC experiences and much more.

I found this article on grieving the loss of a sibling and found it to be great information for those who have lost a sibling in life. Loss of an Adult Sibling is where I got the article.
Loss of an Adult Sibling

Disenfranchised Grief
When adults lose a sibling, they often feel abandoned by society. The sympathy goes to their parents, but brothers and sisters are supposed to "get over it" quickly so they can comfort the parents or replace the lost sibling. This is one of the reasons why adult sibling loss falls into the category of "disenfranchised grief". Bereaved individuals are encouraged to feel guilty for grieving too long.
When society fails to validate the grief and sadness of siblings, they do not receive the support necessary to heal. There is a tendency for the grieving individual to go into hiding with their feelings. This often results in a low-grade depression with which bereaved siblings struggle for many years. One of the benefits that technology has brought to the grieving population is by providing, through the internet, a way to connect to others in similar circumstances.

Life Changes in an Instant
When adults lose a brother or sister, the following are some of the issues they deal with and must resolve or work through:
Seeking a new identity
When someone has been a part of your life since birth, your identity is based on having them there. They form a part of the field or background from which you live your life, and as such, they are essential. They make up part of the unbroken wholeness that defines who you are. This relates to the concept of birth order.
When the first child is born, he or she develops certain characteristics and talents. The children born later will most likely choose other, different, characteristics to develop and to excel in, so they will be different from each other. The first child may become a star athlete, while the next sibling excels in academics. The siblings support each other by their differences.
In doing so, siblings actually loan each other their strengths, and when one of the siblings dies, that strength is lost, and the survivor's identity with it. It takes time to learn how to live your life again. You have to grow within yourself the parts once carried by your brother or sister. You don't "get" over this as much as "grow through" it.
The loss of a future with your sibling
Not only have you lost the actual person and your relationship with them, but you have lost the part they would have played in your future. You go on to marry, have children, buy a house, succeed or fail, and each event underlines the terrible reality that your brother or sister is not there. Forever after, all events, no matter how wonderful, have a bittersweet flavor.
Anniversary reactions plague the surviving sibling on birthdays or holidays and other special occasions. Bereaved siblings need not be too hasty in making life changes at these times. They may unwittingly be "acting out" the loss unless they are conscious of the date. If you haven't already done so, read the page on anniversary reactions.
Compulsive caregiving
What prevents many bereaved siblings from an uncomplicated grief process is their desire to protect someone--perhaps their parents, spouse, or their own children. The focus on being there for someone else helps them put their own grief process on hold. One of the most commonly noted responses to sibling loss is that surviving siblings learn not to fear the grief of others. They have been there--they know what it is like so they can listen to others who are grieving.
This can be carried too far. When bereaved siblings project their own hurt feelings on to others, and then take care of those others, it becomes counter-productive. Compulsive caregivers live on the periphery of their existence, focusing so much energy outside themselves that they become empty, over-stressed, and ultimately clinically depressed. Often, they appear "brittle," speaking in short, quick sentences, while they deny the underlying pain. The un-felt feelings then become a heavy burden that prevents the sufferer from becoming his or her best self.
To help resolve this compulsive caregiving, you need to confront your own sadness and pain, own it, feel it deeply. John Gray says "What you feel, you can heal," and this is the only route to growing through grief. You may need to talk about every miniscule detail of the death, and express the associated feelings over and over until you wear out the pain.

Dealing with trauma
A related issue that is particularly troubling in certain kinds of death is that of trauma. Our minds can only process so much information at one time. When the event is of a magnitude to create excess stimulus, it is traumatic. When a brother or sister dies suddenly from an accident, suicide, or homicide, this is definitely too much for us to take in at once. Trauma may also be a factor for those bereaved siblings who helped to nurse their sibling through a disfiguring disease, or witnessed their suffering.

Recovery from trauma involves working through the pain, and articulating thoughts and feelings about the loss to a trusted person. While this long process is going on, you can gain strength by working to increase your self-esteem. Each step that you take towards becoming your "best self" will create a corresponding rise in self-esteem. You will then be strong enough to handle another 'piece' of your grief. Traumatic grief must be dealt with bit by bit, not all at once.
A note about dealing with the people around you when you are grieving
Anger is a unique emotion. You can be sad or happy for no particular reason, but if you are angry, you need a target. If you use, as a target for your anger, the people who try to be helpful, you may end up driving everyone away. Let's face it, life can be pretty difficult to deal with sometimes. And one of those difficulties for most of us is knowing what to say when others are grieving. Sometimes we goof up and say the wrong thing. Please do not take it personally. Remember that after a major loss, we may see things in black and white for a while. But eventually, we remember that people can say dumb things and still have a good heart.
With Live in Christ,
Heather

Bible Challenge, Portable North Pole, and what God showed me today

2010-11-30T23:02:00.001-05:00

This looks like a fun challenge and I hope I can keep up. I work 12 hr shifts right now until I change to my new job and it gets hard to stay consistent with anything. I wish there were more time for my growth with Christ. So many things I want to do and learn that I find it hard to focus on one thing at a time. I'm a little ADD like that. Like right now, I just finished Max Lucado's book John 3:16 and I highly recommend it. Loved the book and there are 40 days with Jesus devotions in the back. So I finished the book today and read the 1st day devotion and I try to do my own personal devotion based on scripture. I am also still doing our marriage mentoring with God's Design For Marriage which has a lot of homework and study with it. I like to read all the lovely writings each writer does on their blogs that inspire and encourage me. Then there are so many things I want to say and write about that I would be posting a book in one blog posting, with all my various thoughts. So you see, I try to do all those things, take care of kids, help with household duties, work, learn to sew, and find time to chat with a friend (which I haven't done in far too long), I feel like I am losing touch in life. I have so many things on my TO DO list that I find I am walking around in circles trying to figure out what to do and when to do it.
A fun Christmas Surprise for your Kiddies:

I wanted to share with any moms a website that I absolutely LOVE! It is a portable Santa who talks to your kids with the information you fill out. We did it last year and Ava was ecstatic over it. The link is http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/home or you can find them on FB at http://www.facebook.com/apps/application.php?id=199410016605.

What God Showed Me Today: A Piece of Him

In the book John 3:16 Max Lucado writes, "Jesus offers zoe, the Greek word for 'the life as God has it.' Whereas bios, its sibling term is l ife extensive, zoe is life intensive. Jesus talks less about life's duration and more about its quality, vitality, energy and fulfillment. That is my Zoe, full of vitality, energy and fulfillment. She is a constant reminder of my brother, she acts exactly like he did when he was little. Right down to the mischevious little grin. So to hear zoe is "the life as God has it" brings such joy to my heart. God gave me this little girl who loved her uncle to hang her upside down by her legs to let me know long before I would know it, that he would be giving me back, "the life as God has it." He gives me my brother everytime I look at her and watch how she lights up a room at entrance. You always knew when Richard arrived and you always know when Zoe has too! Oh how God works, marvelous and magical.
With Love,

Day 8 of BC and PINT with a few words

2010-11-30T10:45:00.000-05:00

Sometimes things don't always go as well as we hoped they would. Turns out my etsy shop is a failure but at least I tried. I am a very self doubting person and am my own worst critic. I hope to one day change that but for now it remains. I turn to God to get me through...

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Things which you do not hope happen more frequently than things which you do hope. ~Titus Maccius Plautus

Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier. ~Author Unknown

Hope is grief's best music. ~Author Unknown

Hope never abandons you, you abandon it. ~George Weinberg

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. ~Edna St Vincent Millay

Day 8: Least favorite thing about the Holidays

1. It will always be spent without my brother
2. The focal point of gifts (many who have to give their kids the best of everything)
3. Not remembering what it is really about (the birth of our Savior)
4. Taking down decorations
5. Taking down the tree when it is hard and prickly and sticks you

Post It Note Tuesday

A little bit of bitterness and a little sweetness

2010-11-30T00:50:00.001-05:00

So since it's the holidays, it has been a very difficult time for my family. Coming up on our first holiday season without my brother has started to take more of a toll. Especially for my mom and dad. All I want to do for them is fix it. Make their pain go away, make my mom stop crying, my dad stop withdrawing, and my youngest brother get his idol back. But I don't have any of the tools necessary for these great tasks. I want to be positive but yet it is hard. This is all hard and frankly it just plain sucks. I have to vent for a minute because I want to be real about life. And life right now for me is bitter sweet. There is a lot of bitterness that I have toward my brother's murder, the trial, parts of me that I feel no longer exist, my depression and more frequent panic attacks, the loss of my husband's job, the fact that I can no longer be a SAHM, I miss my babies dearly, I can hardly believe that at 12AM November 30th starts and 10 months have passed since his life was so brutally taken. Taken from us, from his friends, and from his future. I don't know that I have really talked much about who my brother was. But I will tell you a story about what he did to save another's life. He was working in Kentucky after the ice storms in March of 2009. As my brother travelled back toward Leitchfield, he was going south on Mountain Parkway in Winchester when he noticed a car in the ditch on the other side of the highway. He said they look like they need help and got off at the next exit and turned back going east bound to the accident site. The driver, was stuck in the vehicle and the passenger was in shock as he was walking around. My brother noticed the car starting to catch fire. He ran down the embankment and him and another guy, a co-worker, pulled the guy out of the car and as soon as they ran up the hill the car exploded and caught the woods around it on fire as well. A doctor happened to arrive on the scene and the driver had a broken leg and a large head wound. My brother, who passed out from the site of blood when he pulled his first tooth, the one who cannot stand to look at it much rather touch it was given strength to help wipe the blood from his face and hold him down while the doctor reset his leg, right there on the scene. Giving him words of encouragement. My brother arrived just in time to save that guy that day. Isn't God's timing perfect? This is just one story of the heart my brother had. He tried to find out which hospital the guy was transported to, called around to hospital's to see if he was ok but he was never told any information because he was not family. My brother died never knowing who that guy was or what happened to him. After his death I made it my goal to find the one he saved that March day. It took me 7 months of searching files and archives with very little information. Finally, a breakthrough and I found an article, very small little tidbit from the Winchester Sun about police reports stating a similar accident. I googled one of the guy's name and found he had a myspace account. Well I bravely sent him a message. Yeah, can you imagine that message arriving in your inbox. I waited and waited for a response and finally got one. He wanted me to thank my brother, the accident changed his life, and he was the passenger. The driver, unfortunately had taken a different turn and I have yet to get in touch with him. I had to tell this guy that the person who so selflessly saved his friend's life was no longer here. Was it my brother's purpose in life to save this guy? Ten months later, my brother died. I still keep in touch with him and it is amazing to see one of the people whom my brother's life changed. The course of events in one another's lives to cross paths at that specific time can only be the work of God. A part of his divine plan.
Ten months have gone by. A long ten months. Kind of like searching through your purse for something you can't find and you get aggrevated and start complaining, frustrated and annoyed. I feel like that. Searching for my brother but can't find him. Well, he isn't there. The one thing I was trying to find has left and I know he is in a far greater place but that doesn't make mine, nor my mom, dad, Will, and the rest of family and friends pain go away. The sting that comes with grief. Grief, what an experience. I didn't think I would have to face it for many years, yet it took me by surprise one winter morning. It was cold, rainy and I felt like the sky was painted black. I often hear people say 'good grief' but there isn't such a thing. We can only hope that we finish our grieving process healthy and stand strong in our faith in Jesus Christ. The one who died for our sins so we can live eternally. John 3:16 is so often repeated and memorized, maybe even overused by some without even realizing. But in reading Max Lucado's book 3:16 I find the words of "For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." I feel different about that passage having not realizing the truths behind it, more than just words on paper but life filled with love. I am awwed by the writings of Max Lucado. I have read a few of his books and my brother was beginning his book Facing the Giants, a book my mother had given him for Christmas.When the Lord called him home.
Life without him will go on and I will have to learn how to manage the pain but it doesn't mean that it will ever go away.
My sweetness has been found in a promotion at work. I interviewed for it and was anxious and consumed by the outcome but at just the right time, when bills were crunched and things seemed like they were doomed, God pulled through once again! He saved us, he always saves us!
And look at the pictures of my girls below. Now how sweet it is to be given the gift to be their mother.
Thank you God for my gift from you, without them, I wouldn't see the sweetness that this life can still hold. I have hope, faith, mercy, and grace on my side. The strength I have been given is at just the right time. God is never late, his timing is always perfect. It may not be in our timeline but who said we had control over anything. If you think you do, you may want to reevaluate and start again with the things you don't have control over, I bet that list will be a wake up call for there is nothing that God does not control. You must draw your plans in pencil but you have to give God the eraser!~I have had to give him the eraser on many occasions, most of my life has not turned out by my plan. Who's plan are you going to follow is the question?

With sincere love,

Magical Monday and Blog of the Month Voting!! Day 7 of BC

2010-11-29T08:19:00.001-05:00

Go over to For the Love of Blogs

and check out my giveaway they are hosting and nominate me for BLOG OF THE MONTH!!

Day 7: Holiday Craft/DIY

So this one is kind of hard for me because I never really can come up with a craft of my own. The only two that were ever my idea was Ava's reward chart and their hairbow holders. I have posted it in the past but will post it again just for this challenge~

Ava's Reward Chart

I used soft felt and cut out shapes to stick up on the big piece of thicker felt board. When she does all of her tasks and behavior for the day she gets to put one of her shapes on the board. When she gets 7 shapes on the board, she gets $4 since she is 4 years old. And she uses her money to save up for things she wants to have. It has been very effective but she does have many days when there is no reward given :( ~but it keeps her trying harder for the next day. Thought I would share with you.
We have now added $1 extra if she memorizes her scripture verse for the week, yep, she is breaking the bank!!

For the hairbow holder
One piece of unpainted wood (gotten from Hobby Lobby) it can be any shape, I chose oval.
One unpainted letter
Ribbon

It's pretty simple, I painted the oval and the letter and glued the letter on with super glue and then I hung a piece of ribbon from the back. I picked up a cute little crown from there too, they have so many designs to choose from. Wa La a hairbow holder, I made one for my other daughter as well.

With Love,

Monday Blog Hops

2010-11-28T17:48:00.007-05:00

PIECES OF ME

Immersed

Humanity or Habit

Financial Peace

Beach...Summer Pics

Not Looking Forward to...

James and the Obstacle Course

Embarrassed, Humility, and Shame

Anything is Possible....Real Life Stories

Letting Go

Even if it is a Monday...

It's Summertime!!

The What If's

Field Day & the end of pre-k

Hubby's Prom Photshoot

Majorly Weak

Scripture for Mommies

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mothers Day from your son

Thankful Thursday

CVAC Memorial Service

Humbling, Honesty, I got Awards~na na na na, & One Silly Girl *Post It Note Tuesday*

Glorious Day

Thankful Thursday

CVAC

Sharing In The Party!

Wonderful Snipets Mix Up

Fish Hatchery Fun

Post It Note Tuesday= THE VENT

This is exactly what I needed today...

The things given up~Thankful Thursday

Tasty Tuesday~Cooking is Not for Me

Change your listening skills- Post It Note Tuesday

Thankful through the Rain

What I heard and saw today

Valleys

Psalm 23

Please please pray today

Blog Design Do-Over

BE Joyful

It's Peeking In...

Hoo Are You

Don't Quit

Women of the Word

Love Day

Facing the Obstacles in our Life

Stylish Blogger Award

What to say, what to do, and what has already been said

Comment Love Day

Learning, enduring, and persevering

I am NOT in charge...

Making God Smile

Failures as a Mom

Weekend Mingling

Trying to understand harsh words...

Call your sibling today...Sibling grief

Tasting nothing, coffee, to the top, and PINT 4 today

Twenty Quotes About Murder

Welcome to Monday

Comment Issues

Worldwide Candle Lighting

It's Officially HER Day!

Writing Workshop-Enchanted

Weekend Hopping

Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting

Whatever you want to call it today

Making new peeps

Memories, great song, and Day 13 BC

He's Got The Whole World In His Hands

Weekend Hopping and Day 12 Christmas BC

Writer's Workshop

Day 9, 10, 11 of Christmas Challenge

Rediscovering Christmas BC

Christmas Poem for my mom, grief for siblings, and a great website

Bible Challenge, Portable North Pole, and what God showed me today

Day 8 of BC and PINT with a few words

A little bit of bitterness and a little sweetness

Magical Monday and Blog of the Month Voting!! Day 7 of BC

Monday Blog Hops

Humbling, Honesty, I got Awards~na na na na, & One Silly Girl Post It Note Tuesday